3 steps to correct a mistake
February 13, 2019
By Brian Maynor
“Our love of being right is best understood by our fear of being wrong.”
– Kathryn Schulz, Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error
Making mistakes may be part of life, but no one likes to make them, or even think about the possibility of being wrong. It’s a part of our nature that is connected to our self-identity, and when we make a mistake that identity is threatened.
This connected has been studied by Caroline Bartel and Jane Dutton, and through their research they explain it like this: We are continuously expressing how we see ourselves and how we want others to see us through our words and our deeds, a process called “identity claiming,” and when we make a mistake that identity is challenged or damaged. This blow is compounded when other people are involved.
So what are we supposed to do when this happens? Here are three things we can do when we make a mistake that will save the situation and our identities.
1. Assume responsibility. This means literally saying, “I was wrong.” Offering an apology while trying to explain away the mistake or shift blame is not the same thing as assuming responsibility. Explaining what happened may be helpful, but it shouldn’t include any excuses. In addition to claiming responsibility, we have to acknowledge the impact that on others, and possibly listen to a retelling of that impact. As hard as it will be, we shouldn’t interrupt or get defensive. We simply need to listen and offer an apology.
2. Talk about next steps. Accepting responsibility is the first step, and since we can’t go back and change the past, we need to figure out what the next steps should be in order to address and repair the mistake. This is a time for over-communication. We need to explain what steps we have taken and what steps we plan to take, as well as seek insight and suggestions from those impacted. Mistakes have two main types of impact, substantive and relational and we need to be sure we address both in this process.
3. Learn from the mistake, and share it. Mistakes are hard, messy and not fun to clean up, but the bright side is we don’t have to repeat them if we learn from them. This means spending some time reflecting on the situation, our thought processes and the actions that lead to the mistake. Ostensibly there may have been contributing factors along the way, but if we address them, we should avoid assigning blame or fault. Ultimately we made the mistake, and the responsibility lies with us. Instead share the steps we are going to take to avoid repeating the mistake moving forward, and we can even ask others to help ensure that we stick to the plan by offering feedback and suggestions along the way.
As the proverb says, “to err is human”, but that doesn’t mean our mistakes have to define us or irreparably damage our reputation, identity and relationships. We simply need to implement these practices as soon as we realize we’ve made a mistake. Doing so will help us move forward in a positive way, and even work to strengthen our reputation, identity and relationships.
I’m always excited to hear from you, so please email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
