Why do we make empty promises?
June 6, 2017
By Brian Maynor
We all have experience with empty promises. Either we’ve made them, received them, or both, but chances are they are they are the exception, not the norm.
If you tend to make more empty promises than ones you fulfill, you need to understand the damaging impact that has on the relationships in your life, and look for some deeper reasons for your behavior. While it may seem like no big deal that you simply didn’t follow through with what you said you were going to do, to the people you made the promise to it matters a great deal.
Empty promises run the risk of teaching others that your words mean nothing, words can be used to manipulate other people and that it’s okay to not live up to your word. This is especially true when you make empty promises to children. As adults, we like to think words do matter, manipulating others is wrong and it is expected from society that we live up to our promises. The bottom line is people depend on us to follow through with what we say we’re going to do.
So why do we make empty promises? Here are some of the most common reasons:
1. Fear of disapproval. Fear is a huge motivator in life, and the reason behind a lot of people’s thoughts and actions. With empty promises, the fear of disapproval often leads us to make promises we know we’ll never keep, especially when it involves someone we care about disappointing like friends, family members, colleagues or bosses. Instead of making a false promise, honesty is the best policy; both with ourselves and others.
2. Need to please. We all know at least one people-pleaser, and while their behavior may appear to be motivated by fear of rejection, that isn’t the case. Saying yes to everything is driven by a desire to always make others happy, even at the expense of their own happiness. This can lead to them making empty promises in the moment, because they just can’t make themselves say ‘no’ and risk making the other person unhappy. It’s not logical by any stretch of the imagination, but people pleasers can rarely see past the immediate situation.
3. Desire to appear trustworthy. Society equates fulfilled promises with trustworthiness, and some people are so intent on appearing trustworthy in the moment that they make promises they never intend to keep. While this behavior creates a reputation for untrustworthiness as soon as they break their promise, this is a short-term rationale much like people-pleasing.
4. Manipulation. As an attorney, I know all too well the power words and promises have over others actions, and unfortunately that knowledge isn’t limited to lawyers. Parents often use this rationale with children, promising to do something if they do something first, knowing from the beginning the promise is empty, but adults do it to each other as well. Not only is this an incredibly dishonest and disgusting way to treat others, it can irreparably damage relationships as well as influence a child’s view of promises, acceptable behavior and societal expectations.
5. Overcoming awkward situations. We’ve all ran into an old friend or colleague and promised to call them for lunch or coffee with no intention of doing so simply out of awkwardness. While the other party probably has little or no expectation of us following through, making an empty promise is not the best behavior to adopt. Ending the encounter with a simple, ‘it was nice seeing you,’ is the better choice. Otherwise we may establish a pattern of behavior that leads to making more empty promises in the future.
Not all empty promises are malicious or damaging, but they are all reckless and a signal to others that we don’t value them enough to follow through with what we say. We need to be more mindful of what we promise others, and if there is no intent to fulfill the promise, it’s better for everyone involved to never make it in the first place.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
