Releasing The Need To Be Perfect

By Brian Maynor

 

When I was a child my mother always pushed me to do my best, and somewhere along the way that morphed into the drive to be a perfectionist.  While striving to do your best is an awesome, obtainable goal, pursuing perfection is unrealistic and harmful.

Perfectionism is a twisted notion that is based on the desire for acceptance and approval from others.  It has absolutely nothing to do with self-improvement or doing your best.  That’s why people suffering from perfectionism also suffer from anxiety.

Any time we take a risk or put ourselves out there, we are placing our self-worth on the line, and that is scary, but all the more reason to release the need to be perfect.

Here are a few tips that have helped me recognize and work to overcome my own case of perfectionism:

1.    Good enough is okay.  When I first read this motto every fiber of my being cringed.  In what world is good enough okay?  The answer is, this one.  My main objection to this goal was that I interpreted it as ‘it’s ok to slack off and do something half-way’ and that is not okay.  Fortunately that’s not what ‘good enough’ means.  In everything we do we reach a point where it is ‘good enough’, meaning we have done our best and can walk away with confidence and pride.  Will it be perfect?  No.  Could you obsess over edits, corrections and changes?  Of course, but they wouldn’t substantially add value to your work.

2.    You’re only human, and so is everyone else.  The adage is true, we’re only human, and accepting that is a huge step to overcoming perfectionism.  Not only do we have to accept it about ourselves, we have to accept it about everyone else.  Flaws, misunderstandings and mistakes are a part of life.  They don’t result in rejection or being ostracized.

3.    Perfectionism is contagious.  Our environment affects us all, so it is important to make an objective assessment of it and take steps to remove or reshape it as we see fit.  For me that meant reviewing the blogs, magazines, TV shows and other media I frequently absorbed throughout the day.  I had to cut out a lot of them because I found they did not add positive value to my life.  I also had to assess the people in my life and cut out the ones that were enabling my perfectionism.  If I was going to focus on being happy and positive, I needed to surround myself with happy, positive people that were improving themselves in a relaxed, healthy way.

4.    Only compare yourself to yourself.  This is hard for me.  Marketing, media and societal norms drive us to compete and compare ourselves to others as a valuation of self, but it only makes us feel inferior because we will never be at the top in life.  The only way to escape that paradox is to focus on ourselves.  Namely where we were, how far we’ve come, and what we’ve gained, learned and overcome along the way.

5.    Do what you think is right.  This is the best way to silence the noise of external pressure and judgment, because when we do what we feel is right we are confident in our choice and the opinions of others have less power over us.  Doing what we feel is right also boosts our self-esteem, which in turn makes us feel more in control of our lives.  Control equals strength, and with strength we are less affected and influenced by outside influences.

Perfectionism is a myth that preys on dreamers and our desire for acceptance and approval.  It sounds romantic to get lost in movies, music and books, but all too often they create unrealistic expectations of life that only cause stress and anxiety when they clash with the real world.

 

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Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

I am always curious to hear some of your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and challenges. Please send your comments and questions to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

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