Is Being Nice Making You Boring?
March 7, 2017
By Brian Maynor
We’re taught to be nice and treat others the way we want to be treated, but is that lesson turning us into boring people?
Without the right balance, it can be.
How many times to do you say, “I don’t mind” throughout the day? If it’s any then stop immediately. That one sentence instantly changes our image from being nice to being boring.
Think of it this way, when we say, “I don’t mind” people interpret it as “I don’t have a mind.”
While being nice serves its purpose, like helping us feel better about ourselves; living longer; releasing stress; plus it’s just a natural behavior, when we go out of our way to be nice all the time we lose that purpose entirely. Here are a few ways to shift how we think about being ‘nice’ and why it’s important to not lose ourselves in the process:
1. Being ‘nice’ is not the same as go with the flow all the time. So often the fear of upsetting someone overrides our own sense of worth that we readily abandon ourselves in the process of being ‘nice’. People are interested in us for our thoughts, opinions and personal perspective, and it’s entirely possible to express them while being a ‘nice’ person.
2. Disagreements are exciting. Expressing a point-of-view may lead to a disagreement, but that’s not a bad thing. Having a difference of opinion is perfectly okay because it’s normal. It also adds passion and excitement to the relationship. It’s impossible to be passionate with or for someone who is always agreeing.
3. It’s not mean to say ‘no’. To equate being mean to saying ‘no’ is one of the most egregious misinterpretations of being nice possible. To decline a request simply means we have appropriate boundaries and prioritize our needs and ourselves appropriately.
4. There is a difference between being nice and being a doormat. The idea that to be nice means always saying ‘yes’, being available for other people or putting their needs ahead of our own is a delusion. The truth is that those actions create the impression that we are overcompensating for low self-esteem and that leads to being taken advantage of and taken for granted.
We should all strive to be nice, because being nice makes us pleasant, caring and willing to give the benefit of the doubt, but the key is to have appropriate boundaries. To be nice should bring us happiness, not sacrifice it for the sake of others.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
