When Praise Goes Wrong
March 18, 2015By Leslie Pitner, DDS
Praising others seems like a practice it would be difficult to get wrong. You tell another person something nice, they (usually) feel good, and that’s that, right? But psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck has shown it is possible to give praise in the wrong way. She has done fascinating research on how praise can influence the development of someone’s mindset (particularly in children), and how that mindset influences future success.
Dweck’s research defines two types of mindsets: fixed and growth. A person with a fixed mindset believes that basic qualities such as intelligence and talent are fixed traits, meaning you cannot change or improve these traits; you either have them or you don’t. They can only be demonstrated through success in which effort plays no role. By comparison, a person with a growth mindset believes that the same qualities of intelligence and talent can be developed through perseverance and hard work. Any inborn talent level, small or large, is just a starting point for further growth.
So how is mindset related to praise? Dweck’s work has shown that the way in which we are praised can reinforce one of these mindsets. A series of studies with over 500 fifth graders proved this point. After taking on visual puzzles, all children were told they performed very well, but one group was told, “You must be smart at these problems,” while another group was told “You must have worked hard at these problems.” The kids were then given an option — to try more challenging problems or to try for a good performance. The kids who were told they were smart chose to try for a good performance, whereas those praised for effort chose the more challenging problems.
So how does this play out in real life? If a child is praised for being “smart,” then a less than stellar performance makes him or her feel they are not smart. But being praised for effort encourages the child to seek out challenges to become better because there is no fear of being revealed as a failure.
How can you apply this principle to your own family’s life? Well, for example, if your child brings home a test that she got an A on and you say, “Wow, an ‘A’….You are such a smart girl!” — you are reinforcing a fixed mindset. Her great performance is only an expression of her innate intelligence. On the other hand, if you were to say instead, “Wow, an ‘A’….Great job! I know how hard you studied for that test!” you would be reinforcing a growth mindset where performance is related to effort. The better form of praise communicates that working hard leads to positive results and that initial failure is just a chance to rise to a challenge over time.
I apply these mindset principles everyday in my practice. A big challenge my patients face is keeping their teeth clean with braces on. It simply requires diligent work. So when I see a child who has clean teeth, I don’t say, “You are a great brusher!” because that is a fixed mindset. I say instead, “Wow, you are doing a great job of taking care of your teeth. I know it is a lot of work, but it is paying off!” I say the same thing to adults too — it is hard work and all hard work should be recognized. It is a small thing, but I want to promote a growth mindset in every patient (and everyone I come in contact with), because I want them to know that life is much more about effort and much less about talent, regardless of the goal or activity. It’s a more inspiring and less fearful way to live!
Dweck, Carol S. 2006. Mindset: the new psychology of success. New York: Random House.
About Dr. Leslie Pitner
Dr. Pitner has built a reputation as one of the most innovative orthodontists in the Southeast. Her practice, Pitner Orthodontics, serves the Columbia and Chapin communities, but she has patients coming from all over the US. Leslie Pitner majored in art and received her undergraduate degree from Williams College in 1990. She completed her master’s degree in art history at the University of Pennsylvania in 1995. She then attended the University of North Carolina School of Dentistry and graduated with honors. Her training in art directly translates to her orthodontic practice by allowing her to utilize her eye for beauty and detail and bring that passion to each patient’s smile.
While in practice, Dr. Pitner completed a unique master’s degree program in positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. She uses this element of her education to encourage patients to grow in their strengths through the challenges of orthodontics and enjoy the positive power of a smile. Dr. Pitner has broad interests from traveling and public speaking to driving her own race-car. www.drpitner.com