Dear Debby and Jerry: Advice on Dating in a New World
June 21, 2013
Advice from Debby and Jerry on Dating in a New World
June 20, 2013
Q-Dear Debby and Jerry.
The person I’ve met online told me after two dates that something they stated in their profile actually isn’t true. It’s not a huge deal, I have to admit, but now I cannot help but wonder what else they were not honest about. Do I need to silence that nagging little voice in the back of my head asking, True or false? every time they open their mouth? Am I being paranoid?
– John, Columbia, SC
A-Dear John,
Not to worry, John. Online dating statistics show that a high percentage of women do not tell the truth about age, weight and height on their profile descriptions. If you discover other profile information that is exaggerated or false, you have every right to ask what else needs explaining from their profile. There are many things both sexes do to lure someone, but ultimately truth will overcome the bait. Also, studies show that women are more apt to tell the truth than men. So, go with a more positive attitude, asking if this person could be a trustworthy friend. The answer to this question should be your benchmark.
– Jerry
A-Dear John,
It is quite true that both men and women do not always tell the truth on their profiles. Age, weight, and height are the most common, but there are other areas that I find surprising. I’ve seen men say that they are moderate drinkers and it turns out that they haven’t had a drink in 20 years and are in a 12-step program. Another common prevarication is saying that they are divorced when in fact they are separated. The reasons given when confronted are that they don’t think anyone will contact them if they tell the truth. We are all human, but this is not a great way to start a relationship. I agree with Jerry in that you need to be introspective and decide if it is a deal-killer.
– Debby
Q-Dear Debby and Jerry,
I am a 55-year old woman who has been dating online for about a year. I’ve had some really good experiences and some not-so-good ones, and fortunately the good ones far outweigh the bad. My problem is that lately there seems to be a tendency among men to state, usually in caps, if you are into drama, please don’t waste my time or yours. I am not looking for drama, game players, or serial daters, no drama…IF you are a serial dater, IF you are a game player, IF you are into drama, please don’t waste my time or yours—and IF that is too difficult to do, you should not be dating online! This was an actual quote and while I realize this is a bit extreme, there are many men who make statements such as these, usually less explicit. My question is this: Are most women really that overdramatic? Jerry, I am really interested in your opinion, you must see some of this firsthand. And you seem quite knowledgeable and down-to-earth regarding online dating issues. And Debby, have you seen these comments as well? Believe me, there are many men that I am sure are border-line dramatic, too, but I think that most are genuine and sincere in wanting to find a partner.
– Marlene, Aiken, SC
A-Dear Marlene,
I have seen these comments regarding drama, game-players and serial daters, more often than I’d like. It does tend to make one wonder what is really going on out there. Apparently there are women that are overly dramatic, game-playing serial daters that seem to like this type of dating. I’ve determined that we are all looking for a suitable partner, but we’re not all looking in the same way. I’m hoping that all those Drama Queens are finding drama-loving men (though they do seem far and few between) and also that women who seem to go through life without a lot of drama and intensity are finding their perfect mates. Personally, I think I fall somewhere in between. I’ve found that a little drama does spice things up a bit!
– Debby
A-Dear Marlene:
Believe me, women equally post on their profiles the aversion to drama in a relationship. Maybe, we should assume that both men and women that gravitate to on-line dating have possibly emerged from a bad divorce or turbulent break-up in a relationship. Hence, drama is on their minds and they are looking for a more settled and calm relationship as they move forward. I cannot count the times I have read profiles stating the cliché, drama is for the stage, but not in my life. To answer your question about most women who are dating on-line being overdramatic, the answer is no.
– Jerry
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Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected]. Or mail your questions and comments to: Dear Debby and Jerry, 701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-197, Columbia, SC 29201. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column.
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