Dear Debby and Jerry
April 11, 2013
Advice from Debby and Jerry on Dating in a New World
April 12, 2013
Q #1-Dear Debby and Jerry,
I’ve been thinking of joining an online dating site and have done some research and have finally decided on a site. My question is how do you write a profile? How long should it be and how much personal information should I give about myself? Also, what about photos? Do I post one or more and what should I wear? I am a 57-year old divorced woman, my children are on their own and I really want to meet someone but don’t have any idea how to proceed. Please help!
– Audrey
A-Dear Audrey,
Congratulations, you’ve taken the first step by deciding on a site. And don’t worry because your questions are natural for a first-time online dater.
Your profile should be positive, cheerful and honest. Be fair about your age. Nobody wants to hear glum information so talk about good experiences and things that you enjoy. For example, don’t say that you like to watch college football if you don’t because your date will know immediately if you don’t know what a first down is. And don’t say you like to hike in the mountains if it will make you miserable. Being honest about what you like will give you a greater chance of meeting a compatible guy.
Keep your profile short and to the point. You don’t want to give away too much and very personal information isn’t appropriate in a profile. Remember, you want to save some things to talk about on your first date.
As for photos, please be realistic and post current photos. The number one complaint from men on online dating sites is that women post photos that are outdated by many years and pounds. Show who you really are, it will save you time and give you a better chance of meeting that special person.
Post about 8 photos of yourself. Make sure you have a great headshot and also a full-body shot. Wear something simple and flattering and save the sexy attire for later. Do not post photos with cats or flowers. It’s better to have a photo showing what you like to do, such as a photo of you cycling or crossing the finish line in a race.
While it’s great to say you love to travel, don’t post 4 pictures of you in front of a mountain. Remember, men want to see what you look like. They are very visual and the first thing they do is look at your photos. Good luck on your quest to meet a great guy. Be positive, honest, and have fun!
– Debby and Jerry
Q#2-Dear Debby and Jerry,
I am a 55 year old female who has been trying online dating for a couple of months. I am getting discouraged as I have not met anyone yet that I have clicked with. I’ve been on numerous dates, some good and some not-so-good and I’m getting worried that I may never meet anyone. Should I be more aggressive in initiating contact with men? What are the odds that I’ll ever meet anyone? Please help, I’m losing faith in the whole thing.
– Suzanne
A-Dear Suzanne:
Whoa, Becky Sue, you’ve only been at this for a couple of months? That’s not very long and we can help you manage your online dating experience.
First, let me tell you that not only is online dating the #1 way 50+ year olds meet other singles, it is the fastest growing online dating demographic. There are 52.4% male online dating users and 47.6% females, so you are definitely in the best place to be to find a match. Of the approximate 54 million singles in the US, about 40 million have tried online dating. Please know that this can take time and you need to relax and make it more fun. Here are some suggestions to help you.
One of the largest dating services offers an easy way to be more aggressive in initiating contact with men and it also saves you money. When you pay the $19.95/month fee for three months, they offer an additional 3 months free if you do the following (and don’t be alarmed, this will take time, as any worthwhile endeavor does).
1. Always keep photos on your site
2. Always remain visible on your site, do not hide it
3. You must email 5 men on your own
This is perfect for you, as you have not been very aggressive in the past. Think of it like you would a job search. You would definitely be more active in finding a job, so look at it from that angle. Be organized, thoughtful, and of course a bit romantic.
Rework your profile. Make sure your photos are showing you at your best. Don’t add pets, places, sites, just put photos of you doing different things. If you love biking, have one of you doing just that.
Or if you are a ballroom dancer, a photo of you dancing would be great.
Do not create a laundry list of the perfect guy. There is no perfect man (sorry, guys), so don’t be unrealistic.
Don’t go nuts writing about yourself. Keep it short and sweet, tell them about you and what you do. Be honest but don’t list every hobby you’ve ever had, it’s exhausting!
Don’t go on and on about your exes and how they did you wrong. In fact, you don’t need to mention them at all in your profile. Nothing scares men away faster than the thought of angry exes or the thought of an angry woman holding a grudge.
Do not use unrealistic and trite language. Everyone wants to meet their ‘soulmate’, ‘fall madly in love’, and ‘travel the world together’, you just don’t need to say it. Keep it simple and real.
Be honest about your age, height, and especially your weight. One of the top pet peeves for men is a woman saying she is slender and toned and showing up 20 pounds heavier. Honesty is always best, you’d be surprised how many nice man are out there looking to meet an honest woman.
I hope this has been helpful, Suzanne. With a new attitude and armed with these tips, you’ll soon be dating lots of guys. Just remember, the best things in life take time and it’s worth the wait!
– Debby and Jerry
About Debby and Jerry
Columnists Debby and Jerry draw on their online dating experiences to offer advice to others, choosing Internet dating to develop new relationships. Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected].
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