How to stop our mind from obsessing
February 27, 2019
By Brian Maynor
I’m sure a lot of us have this problem, endlessly replaying situations, conversations, or choices we’ve made wondering how things might be different.
Mentally rehashing over things we’ve done or didn’t do is called rumination, and it’s a normal, natural process when we can’t stop thinking about things in the past, much like we worry about things in the future. The problem with ruminating is that when we start thinking about one thing our mind automatically jumps to other events in the past with similar situations or outcomes and we can get lost in our thoughts and the space between our real selves and our ideal ones.
Rumination isn’t fun or beneficial, but there are ways we can break ourselves out of its cycle. Here are a few of them:
1. Identify our triggers. It won’t do us any good to look at breaking the cycle of rumination if we don’t first look at what triggers it. This may sound like a simple extrapolation, but it’s actually harder for us to see our own triggers than to see someone else’s. A good first step is to notice how we ruminate. Namely, do we ruminate about things we did or the things others did. You’ll be surprised to see how it often leans one way or the other. From there, we can start to look for patterns in when we ruminate. For example it could be when we are making decisions about money, or career choices or when we feel inferior to others for some reason.
2. Create some psychological distance. This is a great rule anytime we’re dealing with a problem, but especially when we are obsessing over them. A good first step to creating psychological distance is to identify and label our obsession as thoughts and feelings instead of directly identifying with them. It may seem like a small shift in the way we see things or think about them, but it has a big impact on being about to let those thoughts and feelings flow in and out of our minds instead of holding onto them.
3. Separate ruminating from problem solving. Just because we rehash something over and over and over again doesn’t mean we’re going to come up with a major breakthrough or even a helpful insight. In fact, rumination can make us less effective at actual problem solving. The reason for that is because while we’re stuck thinking about something we are less likely to take action. One way to break out of rumination and into problem solving mode is to ask, “What’s the best choice to make right now?”. By adding the element of immediate action we can push ourselves out of the mental cycle and into an actual improvement one.
4. Train our brains to be more like Teflon. There are a lot of advantages to being non-stick outside of the kitchen, and that’s especially true when it comes to rumination. We can teach our brains to be more like Teflon by the simple trick of distraction. As soon as we realize we’re ruminating we need to distract ourselves for just a few minutes. The best way to do this is by engaging in a mundane activity that requires us to focus, but not is not overly difficult. It could be filling out an expense report, or typing up some meeting notes. The goal is to give our minds something to focus and concentrate on other than our runaway thoughts.
Rumination is a wide-spread problem, and at its core it’s a coping mechanism we turn to when we are trying to avoid something. The problem is, once we start it can be hard to break ourselves out of the cycle. Trying these techniques can help us quell our runaway thoughts before they carry us too far down the rabbit hole.
I’m always excited to hear from you, so please email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
