What to do before we start gossiping
January 9, 2019
By Brian Maynor
Getting frustrated with a friend or colleague isn’t unusual, but when it happens are you more likely to talk to them about it, or about them behind their backs?
Most often we choose to gossip about them in an effort to vent our frustration, but that can be detrimental and destructive to everyone involved. Not only does it paint the other person in a bad light, it deteriorates the shared trust, hurts their feelings, and paints us as petty and snide.
Luckily there is a simple way to avoid these damaging effects of gossip, and that is to ask ourselves, “Why?” Essentially, why do we want to gossip about someone else?
Here’s how to interpret the answers:
1. Seeking validation or justification. A lot of frustration and disagreement arise when we are confronted with opposing opinions or viewpoints, and may be required to accept them. When this happens we may turn to others for validation and justification of our feelings and position, which leads us to gossiping. If this is the reason for gossiping, we should avoid it and find another way of venting and releasing our feelings.
2. Seeking insight and input. Another time we may be prone to gossip is when we are experiencing an issue with someone and seek the insight or input from another. Instead of holding a “gripe session”, the better option is to hold a brainstorming session. The goal is to find solutions to a problem, not assign blame and disparage someone’s character.
3. Participate in a gripe session. Sometimes we may be the person others turn to in order to vent, and get caught up in the process. When this happens we would be better off steering the conversation towards solutions rather than chiming in on the bashing.
4. Talk to the other person first. The most direct way to resolve any issues is addressing it head-on with the other person involved. That way you save time, hurt feelings and can move on faster.
Gossiping is a habit we can fall victim to, and may even try to disguise by calling it something else. No matter what you call it, or hope to gain from it, gossip is always more harmful than helpful. It impacts not only the people involved, but also teams and companies as a whole. The best way to address it is to stop it before it starts. And that can be done with the simple question “why?”.
I’m always excited to hear from you, so please email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
