4 common behaviors that hijack conversations
January 12, 2018
By Brian Maynor
Have you ever started a conversation that ended in an argument?
Of course you have; it happens to all of us. Having a conversation isn’t always easy, especially when our emotions are running high, but that doesn’t mean they have to devolve into an argument.
Whether it’s a personal or professional conversation, it is possible to prevent a derailment from happening by simply remembering our ABC&Ds.
Here are the four most common behaviors that hijack our conversations, which we should try to Avoid:
1. Blame. When we’re the subjects of a difficult conversation, it’s natural to feel the need to deflect by shifting the blame to someone else. It may be natural, but it’s not productive. The need to place blame is often grounded in assumptions and conclusions, so to avoid it we need to stick to the facts. By focusing only on the facts it is easier to prevent ourselves from jumping to conclusions or making baseless accusations.
2. Contempt. This is a hard behavior to break, especially for me. When someone critiques or criticizes me not only do I take it personally, I hold the other person in contempt for a while. I struggle to stop my brain and myself from screaming, “How dare you…” and sometimes I can’t. Lashing out is often a sign of contempt, and when it happens we need to own it and address it.
3. Defensiveness. Feeling defensive often causes us to misinterpret what is being said. New ideas, input or suggestions will be heard as criticism and generally dismissed. When that happens it effectively ends the conversation because it indicates we are not interested or open to hearing the other person’s perspective, and any attempt to continue the conversation will be futile.
4. Stonewalling. There are multiple ways we can stonewall a conversation including: avoiding entire topics, refuse to participate or contribute to the discussion and even withholding information. These behaviors won’t make the issues go away, they just make for an unproductive waste of everyone’s time.
No one wants to have a difficult conversation, but we often make them harder than they have to be by engaging in these four behaviors. If we remember our ABC&Ds the next time we’re faced with one, it might not make them more pleasant, but at least they will be productive and decrease the likelihood of having to repeat them.
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I am always curious to hear about your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and help make your work wardrobe pull double duty. Email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
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