The importance of culling our relationships
October 11, 2017
By Brian Maynor
Generally speaking when we control our environment, we control our lives.
This is especially true when it comes to the people in our lives. Culling and cultivating the best relationships help us maintain a better quality of life in general. Given the fact that the people around us influence us, by surrounding ourselves with people who are truly supportive and flood us with positive energy help us thrive, grow and attain our goals.
However, it can be really hard to cut people out of our lives. By nature we are social creatures and derive happiness from our connections with others, even if those connections are not as positive as they could be. Plus it’s easy to have that FOMO feeling when cutting ties with someone.
Fortunately there are a few steps we can take to control our network, and thus our environment, that make the process a little easier. Check them out and see if they help:
1. Sorting your circle. According to Dr. Henry Cloud, we can sort our network into three main categories: bad connections, pseudo-good connections, and real connections.
a. Bad connections are those that drain our energy and often elicit negative emotions when we are around them. These people often guilt us into spending time with them.
b. Pseudo-good connections are those that are not toxic, but rather shallow. These connections can be positive and encouraging, but they only focus on the good. Without acknowledgement or sharing of challenges, these relationships may feel good, but are really empty.
c. Real connections are those that always have your back, whether it’s in good times or bad ones. There is no judgment, but rather a deep investment in each other’s lives and futures.
2. Filter out bad and pseudo-good connections. When we’re ready to start culling our network, start by thinking about each person and how they make us feel. If they fall into either of these two categories we have two choices: one is to begin distancing ourselves from them by declining more invitations than we accept, or cut them out right away. Either way we create space for more fulfilling and genuine relationships.
3. Spotting potential real connections. As we identify qualities in our real relationships, it is easier to start seeing them in other people. Once we find these traits we have to be open and vulnerable. If we hide behind masks and walls not only will we prevent real connections it will be impossible for us to be real connections.
4. Real connections are worth the effort. Real connections may have our backs no matter what, but they also require maintenance. Relationships grow when we nurture them, which mean we should make the effort to connect with them regularly. This doesn’t have to be a long or profound conversation; it can be a simple phone call, card, text or funny picture. Simply letting someone know they crossed your mind goes a long way.
It may seem cold and calculating to think about culling our network, but it is nevertheless important. It doesn’t matter if they are close personal friends or business acquaintances, if they are toxic they will impact how we see the world and experience it.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
