Anger is a good thing when you know how to use it
September 5, 2017
By Brian Maynor
When you see a child throwing a temper tantrum in a store, is your first reaction revulsion or envy?
While we may be tempted to run to another isle, there is something enviable about their unabashed, immediate expression of emotions. As we mature, we’re taught to suck up our emotions, especially anger, and just deal with them, let them go or move on, but should we?
Anger is a valid emotion. In fact it’s an important one, because it alerts us that something is wrong and needs our immediate attention. While we may not be able to throw a temper tantrum, there are ways to understand, express and use anger to our advantage.
Here are a few examples:
1. Don’t suppress it. Society is very quick to call for the suppression of all emotions, not just anger, which is extremely unhealthy. Bottling up our emotions can lead to physical ailments like ulcers, and it can also take an emotional toll on our relationships and us. Plus suppressing emotions don’t make them disappear. Instead they fester under the surface and manifest later in one form or another.
2. Emotion and Action are very different. We never have to apologize for being angry. It’s a valid emotion that we have every right to feel, and acknowledging it is the first step toward resolving the cause. However, what we may have to apologize for is our behavior. While we have the right to feel angry, we don’t have the right to act on it in any way we choose. The next time we’re in the moment of intense emotion, it’s important to take a step back and separate the feeling from action.
3. Identify the cause. Anger often doesn’t result from just one incident, there is usually a build up of smaller things until we just can’t take it any more and explode. This is another reason we need to have a cooling off period between feeling the emotion and acting on it, because the trigger may not be the root cause.
4. Don’t play the victim. It may be hard to think rationally in the moment, but try to remember that life doesn’t happen to us, so whatever has happened is not the universe’s fault. Life unfolds as a series of choices and consequences so we have to own our part of the situation. We have complete control of how we choose to respond, and that means we decide which direction we take moving forward.
Anger is one of the most helpful emotions we can feel if we learn how to properly channel it, because it’s rocket fuel for change. So, the next time you reach the breaking point and have just had it, channel your inner Scarlett O’Hara and use it as a catalyst to build the life you want.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
