Are our habits making us unlikable?

By Brian Maynor

 

Contrary to popular belief, being likable is not a gift.

A lot of people think that you have to be born with some unteachable traits in order to be likable, but the truth is being likable is a matter of emotional intelligence and completely within our control.

While it may seem like worrying about our likability is trivial, in reality it has a big impact on our success.  In fact, it can completely change our performance.  To capitalize on our likability factor, we can both focus on traits that make us likable like: sincerity, transparency and empathy, and avoid habits that make us unlikeable.

Here are some of the most common habits that make us unlikable:

1.   Name-dropping.  Knowing important and interesting people is a good thing, but we shouldn’t mention them in every conversation.  It makes us look insecure, desperate for attention and devalues our opinions and suggestions.  We’re much more likable when we talk about what we know and think instead of simply who we know.

2.    Emotional hijacking.  Unfortunately this happens more often than it should, and typically involves someone screaming, throwing things or berating someone until they break down.  Once we display this level of volatility it’s hard to be seen as trustworthy and reliable.  As hard as it might be not to unload on someone, especially if they ‘deserve it’, we need to maintain control over our emotions.

3.    Humble-bragging.  We’ve all heard someone try to conceal their bragging through self-deprecation, and it’s never successful.  It’s easy to see through this façade, and what’s worse is that it’s more frustrating than simply bragging outright because they are trying to deceive us.  It’s a lose-lose when it comes to being likable.

4.    Checking our phone.  This is a personal pet peeve of mine, though I am guilty of it from time to time with my closest friends.  It’s rude and the quickest way to turn someone off.  When we’re having a conversation we need to be completely focused on that conversation and the other person and fight the urge to glance at our phone.  While your friends may accept the behavior that doesn’t make it acceptable.

5.    Sharing too much.  Whether it’s on social media or in person, when we over-share we reek of desperation for acceptance.  The truth is, people who share too much, especially if it’s early in the relationship, turn us off.  It’s important to balance how much we share with how much we learn about the other person.  Otherwise we look self-centered and only interested in having a sounding board instead of a conversation.

When it comes to being likable, it’s easy to think of innate qualities and characteristics like being gregarious and intelligent, but they really don’t have as much of an impact as our extrinsic qualities.  If we want to be more likeable we need to focus on our habits that are centered on other people.  Maya Angelou said it best, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

 

 

I’m always excited to hear from you, so please email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

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