Are you a good listener?

By Jerry Bellune

My wife occasionally gets on my case — for interviewing people.
When we travel, I talk with cab drivers, tour guides, bellhops, waitresses, cooks, you name it.
When we go out to eat, I learn waiters and waitresses’ life stories.
All of this is fascinating. I’m a journalist, and I like to hear other people’s stories.
My wife is a journalist, too, and she understands.
But some times she feels I’m too interested in others.
“Why don’t we just talk, you and me?” she will ask.
“Fine,” I’ll say. “I’m all ears. What do you want to talk about?”
What I’ve found is that most people welcome questions. No one ever listens to them, they think.
If you are a good listener, they will tell you almost anything, even embarrassing incidents.
That’s an attribute of Level 5 Leadership.

Level 5 Leadership
One of my personal heroes — and a Level 5 leader — was the late Floyd Spence.
Floyd was a retired Navy captain, U.S. Congressman and House National Security Committee chairman.
Floyd was our neighbor in Lexington, SC, and was one of the most modest men I’ve ever known.
His campaign manager urged Floyd in campaigning for re-election to let his constituents know what he was doing for them in Washington.
Floyd would reply that he was more interested in what was on his constituents’ minds.
He never shied from that approach to constituent service throughout a double lung transplant and other health problems that finally ended his life.
Floyd endeared himself to almost everybody in his House district whether they were Democrats or Republicans.
He had an attentive ear and he was always interested in what was on his constituents’ minds.

The Stockdale example
Consider for a moment the story of another Navy hero, Admiral Jim Stockdale.
Stockdale was the highest-ranking U.S. military officer ever shot down and incarcerated in the Hanoi Hilton during the Vietnam War.
During eight years as a prisoner of the North Vietnamese, Stockdale was tortured more than 20 times.
He lived day to day without any rights, not knowing when, if ever, he and the other prisoners would be released. He lived without even the certainty that he would survive to see his family again.
Stockdale did not despair. He shouldered command. He did everything possible to help fellow prisoners survive with spirits unbroken.
He fought an internal war against his captors and their attempts to use him for anti-war propaganda.
He even beat himself with a stool and slashed his face with a razor to disfigure himself so that the enemy could not videotape him as a “well-treated prisoner.”
He exchanged intelligence with his wife through their letters, knowing that if he was discovered, he would be tortured and perhaps killed.
He set up rules to help other prisoners deal with torture. He designed an elaborate internal communications system to help others endure their sense of isolation.
Admiral Stockdale was a Level 5 leader.
What it takes to survive
Which prisoners did not survive? “The optimists,” Stockdale said.
That’s a surprising answer. You would think the optimists would have the attitude to survive.
No, Stockdale said. Unfortunately, the optimists said, “We’ll be out by Christmas.” But Christmas came and went.
So they said, “We’ll be out by Easter.” But Easter came and went.
After a while the optimists lost hope and gave up.
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be,” Stockdale said.
A Level 5 leader looks reality in the eyes, asks questions until the best solutions are reached and then executes them as if his life depended on it.

When do you eat?
In his celebrated “Up the Organization,” Robert Townsend wrote: “True leadership must be for the benefit of the followers, not the enrichment of the leaders. In combat, officers eat last.”
As chairman of Avis Rent-a-Car, Townsend took his cue from the teaching of Lao-Tzu:
“As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence. The next best, the people honor and praise. The next, the people fear. And the next, the people hate. When the best leader’s work is done, the people say, ‘We did it ourselves.’”

At whatever level of leadership you are in — and that may be as an informal leader, without rank or stripes, but influential among your peers — follow the examples of Floyd Spence, Jim Stockdale and Robert Townsend.
Assess the brutal reality of whatever situation you face, come up with the best solutions, execute the plan with the firm conviction that you will prevail — and take that next step up the ladder to Level 5 leadership.

Your Leadership Challenge
1. What steps must you take to be a more attentive listener as a leader?
2. How can you share the harsh reality of a crisis without lowering your people’s morale?
3. What will it take to follow Lao-Tzu’s example and let your people feel they did it themselves?

January Takeaway. The above is from “Lead People, Manage Things: Volume 1.” Would you like to order autographed copies of the book for your people as a discussion guide on leadership this year? For special bulk order rates, email me at [email protected]
Copyright 2017 The Bellune Company Inc.

Jerry Bellune and his family own and operate online and print book, magazine, newspaper and newsletter publishing companies in South Carolina. Write him at [email protected]
http://jerrybellune.net/jerry-bellunes-january-2018-leadership-letter/