Are You a Toxic Colleague?
March 9, 2016
By Brian Maynor
The simple truth is, no one likes a toxic coworker. You avoid them, cringe to work with them and generally try everything possible to have as little interaction with them as possible. But what if you are the toxic coworker?
I know it’s impossible to comprehend that you may be the person in your office or team causing problems, making everyone else miserable and disrupting the overall group dynamic, but if it were true, would you know it?
Here’s how to check for the most common signs your coworkers think you’re a toxic colleague and how fix them:
1. You come across as cold or dispassionate. Part of human nature is to evaluate others as potential threats. Being friendly, attentive and empathetic is often the only evidence needed to perceive your good intentions towards others, and it’s actually the first thing people examined. Being seen as a warm and caring colleague translates as a desire to be helpful and lends you a great deal of leeway when it comes to your behavior. Mistakes, outburst and passive aggressive tendencies are often given the benefit of the doubt and excused more easily because the overriding impression is that you’re a nice person.
In an attempt to prove our worth we often focus on demonstrating our skills and talents neglecting any inclination to be overly friendly. Holding eye contact when talking and listening; nodding from time to time to demonstrate understanding, and smiling when they smile, can correct this perception.
2. You appear selfish. I like to call this the martyr syndrome. You want to come across as focused, dedicated to your job and willing to go the extra mile, but often times that’s not how others view your behavior. When you keep your head down too much the impression you’re really giving is that you’re hoarding work, unable to delegate or worse collaborate and that frequently leads to classic toxic behaviors like, blaming others for mistakes, leaving people out of the process and taking undue credit.
The only way to dispel this appearance is to actually engage your coworkers. Taking time to get to know them shows empathy and respect.
3. You’re seen as the ‘Rule Nazi.’ We aren’t talking about rigid adherence to ethical or legal rules here, but all the other rules on how work ‘should’ be done. ‘Rule Nazis’ cling to rules as if their life depended on them, and they are quick to point out deviations taken by others. This hardline approach is a detriment to common sense and sometimes productivity.
If you’re the type of person who thinks the rules are meant to be followed and is vocal about it, then know the chances are you’re coming across as a toxic coworker. Try being more flexible about rules, especially the ones that are neither unethical or illegal to break, but if you can’t then you need to explain your rational for strict adherence, and don’t assume ‘because it’s the rule’ is going to pass muster. You need to spell out your thinking and how it benefits the team.
No one ever thinks they are a toxic colleague, because most of the time no one ever intends to be one. It’s a great practice to periodically assess your behavior and attitude, especially when there is discord among your peers, to see if you are the cause or contributing to the situation. Then take the necessary steps to remedy the situation.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
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