Celebrating an “adultiversary”

By Reba Hull Campbell

 

Sometimes it seems that there’s a day designated to celebrate just about anything you can imagine. This week alone, you could have celebrated Eliza Doolittle Day, Pick Strawberries Day, Buy a Musical Instrument Day, National Unicycle Week, or Weights and Measures Day. National Rescue Dog Day was particularly important to me this week (read the tribute to Flossie, my rescue dog).

Back on my 30th “adultiversary,” I wrote this essay for a national trade magazine about 20 pieces of advice for young professionals. I always like to go back and revisit these each year on May 23 to see what I’d add to the list (the farewell post I wrote in December when I retired expands on a number of these).

But one observance that shows up annually only on my personal calendar is my celebration of May 23 as the anniversary of my first day in my first “real job” – the receptionist to a freshman Congressman on Capitol Hill. In a bigger sense, it’s really my anniversary of becoming an adult – I like to call it my “adultiversary.”

But now that I’ve taken on the new role as a “rookie retiree,” I have a little different perspective on life lessons that have emerged without the constraints, labels and stresses of the daily work grind. As I’ve tried to live out my goal of spending money on experiences rather than things in my new world order, I’ve discovered a few new truths.

1 – It’s OK to be a beginner.

I wrote about being a beginner earlier this year, but this revelation makes me realize we need to celebrate beginners, not squash them. It’s OK to say “I haven’t learned that yet,” or “that’s new to me, can you explain a little more.”

Some of the best conversations I’ve had with people in the past few months have been when I “admitted” to being a beginner – whether it was someone taking the time to help me learn how to play along in a music jam group or someone else showing me how to train Flossie to walk better on a leash. Once I felt confident in my “beginnerhood,” I opened myself up to insight, advice and connections I might not have discovered had I been trying to hide the fact that I was a beginner.

I brought this up recently when I was making a presentation to a senior PR seminar at the journalism school at USC. One student asked me what I’d like to tell my 22-year-old self today. I thought through all the 20 lessons I articulated in that essay from six years ago, but decided on this recently discovered truth about being a beginner.

I may have surprised them all a bit when I told them “it’s ok to be a beginner.” Certainly, for young professionals today, the bar is far higher today to look and act like you know everything than it was for me, but there’s still an honesty and integrity in taking pride in the fact you want to learn and in demonstrating that.

2 – Music brings me great joy – and not just because I enjoy listening to it.

First, just the idea that I can do something I never thought I’d be able to – play music with a group of people – gives me that same rush of confidence and accomplishment that I used to get from successfully completing a work project. But the best part is …  this accomplishment gets to stay with me and grow, unlike work accomplishments that are part of a bigger effort that’s not all mine.

Second, practice is fun. I’ve come to love the practice with others as much as the playing in a performance. The friends I’ve made and the fun I’ve had with them have truly enriched my world.

I’d written a few years ago about being a “do-er” (someone who goes all in with something) versus a “dabbler” (someone who flits around with lots of things). I’ve discovered the fun of “passionate dabbling” that gives me the freedom to start piano lessons in middle age, participate in a singer/songwriter retreat and play the ukulele in a rock band of like-minded middle agers. I’ll never necessarily excel at any of these, but there’s huge fun in the trying and the practicing.

3 – Be your own social chairman.

Since I no longer have the daily interaction with various groups of people both at work and at after work functions, I know it could be easy to fall into a rut. I was very aware of this as I started this retirement journey and have tried to live by the rule of “just say yes” when someone invites me to do something or if I see something interesting I’d like to do.

I try to say “yes” to almost any type of invitation or suggestion of an event to attend. Sometimes I might feel more inclined to stay home or decline an invitation with people I really don’t know, but I try to push past that. I’ve found going places I’m invited to gets me invited to more places – whether from it’s actual human invitations or through the algorithms of Facebook events sending me things I might never have known about otherwise.

I’ve made unexpected connections with new friends and experiences through several ukulele “jam” groups,  photography lessons, music lessons, hiking a piece of the Palmetto Trail with a group of women interested in doing the same thing, taking in the local music scene at great venues like the White Mule and the Hangar, and joining in on a bi-weekly coffee shop jam session with a group of (mostly) retirees who sit together in a circle and play music.

Ideally, it’s usually more fun to share these experiences with friends. But I’ve also found it’s ok to go it alone sometimes. No need to miss out on something fun, new or interesting because there’s not a friend available whose schedule fits mine.

4 – Connections and the “Cheers factor” really matter to me.

My jobs were always based around relationships and being professionally connected to people. But I’m reminded every day recently that it’s the personal connections that really matter. I relish the role of connector in my family and various circles of friends. I love going into Eggs Up, the Happy Café, Crave, Tombo or Drip, and they know what I want and call me by name. (For anyone familiar with the Enneagram, I identify squarely as a “Two” so this connector thing makes perfect sense.)

Now that I’ve got a little more time on my hands, I’ve been able to let my connector tendencies take flight to help organize several formal and informal “reunions” of people from various times in my life.

Two recent trips to New York gave me the chance to reconnect with dear friends from my Capitol Hill days as a young adult. Just last week, my high school classmates gathered for our 40th reunion. Next week, our annual street party also welcomes families who built some of the original homes on Medway Road, others who used to call this little street home and a number of newcomers. In June, dozens of people from around the state will gather to celebrate the contributions of former Lt. Gov. Nick Theodore (I worked for him as Lt. Gov. and on his gubernatorial campaign).

While social media has played a big role in organizing and spreading the word about these gatherings, it’s the personal interactions with people I don’t regularly see that’s brought such joy – reconnecting over shared experiences and often discovering we still have many things in common we didn’t realize.

All four of these truths have manifested themselves because I’ve given myself breathing room to let them happen – something I wasn’t sure if I could do. While many of my best laid initial retirement plans haven’t completely panned out yet –  all of my closets still are still not cleaned out, I haven’t biked 100 miles and my herb garden is still a mess  – I have slowed down, made time for what I enjoy and the people I enjoy being with. For now, that’s a pretty good lesson learned.

 

After more than 35 years working in politics, communications, management, fundraising and government relations, Reba Campbell is taking a gap year as a rookie retiree to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up. Reba is passionate about travel, writing, learning to play the uke and staying connected with old friends. Reba can be reached at [email protected] or through her blog at http://randomconnectpoints.blogspot.com.