Chomp! Pimento Cheese-Me Please!!!!!
June 1, 2013
By Ron Aiken
May 31, 2013
In which Chomp! decides which is the best commercially available pimento cheese in Columbia, if not the world, because dangit, why can’t we be known for that? Give Charleston their shrimp and grits, give Greenville/Spartanburg their…heck, I dunno. What do they have there? Applebees or something? Forget them.
In Columbia, there are too many outstanding varieties of pimento cheese to cover thoroughly in one sitting – literally. I got as many as I could possibly manage to eat (and share), and let me tell you, brothers and sisters, there is a price to pay for doing such a thing. A physical price. At the back end. Need I go on? Of course not. But, you know.
Photo at left: Here’s the mighty stack of cheeses (minus the yet-to-be-delivered Rosewood Market Cheese, even!) I and two other folks plowed our way through. For science!
Before I even begin grading the various pimento cheeses I selected for this elite group, I will make one caveat, that I was not able to get to The Gourmet Shop but will after this comes out (I’ll be there for lunch today – Friday – as a matter of fact), a restaurant that enjoys a stellar pimento-cheese reputation.
But enough about all that…on to the cheese, please! Here are the cheeses I selected for my taste test, one that included myself, my childhood (and adult, for that matter) BFF Scott Burgess of Global Carolina Communications and new-to-the-biz, up-and-coming food writer April Blake (theaprilblake.com): Ole Timey Meat Market (they make their own by hand); DiPrato’s Delicatessen; Mr. Friendly’s; Rosewood Market and Palmetto Cheese (available at grocery stores statewide and beyond…check their website at pimentocheese.com). Before you say anything, the ubiquitous Ruth’s version you see at grocery stores was not considered because it is garbage. Peery-yod.
Now, five might not seem like that many, and you may be saying, Whoa! That’s it? What gives, yo?, in which case I would correct your grammar and advise you that I selected three varieties from each (where applicable), for a total of 13 tubs of pimento cheese to sample and grade. It’s a task, I’m here to tell you.
Following are our grades (Mine, then Scott’s, then April’s), then our comments. Enjoy!
Mr. Friendly’s French Quarter 6/7/8 (total: 21)
Me: Extremely creamy – the creamiest by far, as a matter of fact, owing to the gorgonzola and cream cheese base. The gorgonzola (an Italian blue cheese) shows it definitely has a place in pimento cheese-dom, and its use at the restaurant, atop their acclaimed bacon-wrapped Angus Filet Mignon, is a perfect place for it.
April: Mr. Friendly’s french quarter is very creamy with no discernible shreds of cheese, like they’ve been whipped deep into the cream cheese. It has quite an unusual flavor- what is it? Horseradish? Mustard? I can’t even tell. Its the most unusual pimento cheese I’ve ever had, but I kept eating it as the flavor mystery kept me stumped. Most intriguing cheese.
Mr. Friendly’s Applewood Cheddar Pimento Cheese 8/6/8 (total: 22)
Me: Sensational spiciness, and the bacon flavor truly infuses the cheese, which is quite an accomplishment. It appears to have brown mustard involved, which gives it the spiciness, though for Scott, he felt it lent a Hickory Farms flavor to it. I dug it. A lot. It’s used at the restaurant on a burger, which is an ideal place for it to live.
April: Mr. Friendly’s applewood bacon has the same airy, creamy texture, with a great bacon-y flavor throughout. The bacon is more finely chopped in this version than Palmetto’s. The airiness might seem like a turn off but then it flat out melts in your mouth, which would explain why the pimento burger at Friendly’s always has the perfect melty coating of cheese. The flavors are complex and varied and I can’t pin them down, but I wish I could ’cause I would not mind replicating this at home. Best on a burger.
Above Photo: Here’s Mr. Friendly’s cheeses. NOTE: to get Mr. Friendly’s pimento cheese to go, contact the restaurant ahead of time and they’ll hook you up. It’s $5 for an 8 oz. portion
DiPrato’s Delicatessen Original 10/9/6 (total: 25)
Me: OK, for me, this is Best in Show. It’s beautifully gourmet with the blend of white and cheddar cheese, has differing textual consistencies and yet still tastes like pimento cheese should, only better, more refined. This is a grand slam, and I love, love, love it! It’s almost worth closing Dianne’s on Devine for. Almost.
April: DiPrato’s original is creamy, with smaller shreds of cheese and a healthy amount of cream cheese and mayo binding it together. It’s what DiPrato’s is famous for, and tastes its absolute best when eaten with their fried pita chips.
DiPrato’s Delicatessen Sharp White Cheddar 5/7/4 (total: 16)
Me: Maybe it’s because I so like the original, when I taste the White Cheddar, I think something’s missing. It receives one of three 5s (my lowest score). Maybe if it added bacon…?
April: Is actually the opposite is sharp and has a very mellow taste. I’ve had this before and I’ll say that it’s my least favorite of their multiple pimento cheese flavors. What can I say, I like my cheddar so sharp it could cut me.
Above Photo: DiPrato’s Original is gourmet pimento cheese at its best. A triumph of modifying an original to make something fantastic.
Ole Timey Meat Market Original 10/8/5 (total: 23)
Me: This is a pure bite of childhood. Of all the pimento cheeses here, as much as I love DiPrato’s, if I were on a desert island for the rest of my life, this is the pimento cheese I would want, because it takes me back, hitting every note of what traditional Southern pimento cheese should be. Creamy but firm enough, good texture but not too thick, strong cheddar, good pimentos, a wee bit of sugar…Oh man, this is the stuff. Best pimento cheese to eat on white bread, far and away, nobody else is close.
April: The original has a general pleasant flavor that is not overwhelming. It would be good for pimento cheese virgins, or people who can’t handle a lot of action on their tastebuds. This is the cheese you’d want to spread on white bread. 5
Above Photo: I think Ole Timey’s original is the best, most authentic Southern pimento cheese you can buy in Columbia until I am proven otherwise, and I am not often proven otherwise.
Ole Timey Meat Market Jalapeno 5/6/6 (total: 17)
Me: I’m sorry to report I didn’t find this spicy enough for my demandin’ buds, and for some reason, it was too runny for my liking. Stick with the original.
April: The soupier blend lends an old-fashioned quality to this spread, like grandma used to make. This was the spiciest of the ones labeled hot.
Ole Timey Meat Market Bacon 6/7/7 (total: 20)
Me: A pretty good attempt, as one might expect from a butcher’s shop. I mean, you better do the bacon right, right? It’s chewy and a good complement to the cheese, but for some reason the combo with the traditional flavor doesn’t blow my doors off, so again, I’d say if you’re going to buy, buy an extra tub of the fantastic original.
April: This is a pretty decent all-around pimento cheese. There are some flavors in the mix that I haven’t tasted before. I’m not quite sure what they are, but they are an interesting twist that adds some flair. This one seems to have the same issue with most bacon related spreads in that the bacon comes off chewy, which really isn’t how most people enjoy bacon.
Palmetto Cheese Original 6/7/9 (total: 22)
Me: This was spicier than I thought the regular version would be, which is good…the paprika, I think, does it. However, and this will be my criticism of all three versions, it is absolutely swimming in mayonnaise. I mean, I love me some mayo, but I don’t want to drink it.
April: This is the best for scooping up with crackers. The larger shreds of cheese give it a cracking clinging nice texture, and a complex cheese flavor. This is one of my personal favorites.
Palmetto Cheese Jalapeno 7/7/9 (total: 23)
Me: A good amount of heat, which one should not be shy about if you’re going to label yourself hot. Be hot, already, right? Still, not hot enough, too milky, though I did like the rough cut of their cheese. Props to them for that. Not a terrible choice, and maybe better than I’m allowing for.
April: It has the same nice texture and cheesy flavor as the original but with the addition of jalapenos for a kick. The heat is not pronounced, but the jalapeno burn slowly seeps across your tongue to make it tingle a little after a few hearty bites. I wouldn’t call it hot though.
Palmetto Cheese Bacon 9/9/7 (total: 25)
Me: I hate to give a store-bought cheese such high marks (well, it IS from Pawley’s Island, after all), but I have to hand it to them, this is a terrific bacon, the best traditional pimento cheese with bacon out there. Bacon-iness is omnipresent, which is as it should be. Yum!
April: The chewy bits of bacon provides a slightly porky flavor throughout which is good, but the saturated bacon pieces aren’t crisp like you wish they were. If there was a way to make the bacon crisp, there’d be no need to eat anything else.
Rosewood Market & Deli Original 7/8/6 (total: 21)
Me: Good quality, sharp cheddar flavor, big pimentos, just a solidhand-made version no one can deny. The mayonnaise is muted (if much isthere at all), and the cheese itself really stands out above the otherflavors, which to me makes it a bit plain-ish.
April: has a deep cheddar flavor and a chunkier modern texture.I’d venture to say there is very little cream cheese or mayo in thisversion that is probably the healthiest of the bunch.
Rosewood Market & Deli Jalapeno 9/9/7 (total: 25)
Me: Because of the quality of the ingredients, this is the bestjalapeno version by far. None of the others feature the slices ofjalapeno you can easily get in a scoop like this, and it addsbeautifully to what was missing, to me, from the original version. Thiscould easily be my No. 1, as it is a definite go-to, and a taste thatyou want to have over and over long after you’ve finished. An absolutewinner.
April: The deep cheddar flavor holds true in this version whileboldly mixing in a nice, even kick of heat. It’s not hot enough towarrant a drink of water, but leaves a pleasant warmth on the tongue.
Above photo: Can you see the jalapenos in this? Can you? Look harder! They…are…delicious!
Rosewood Market & Deli Green Olive 6/8/4 (total: 18)
Me: The green olive flavor is strong, and it does add a nice note to the traditional flavor, though for me, that moment of Hmmm…interesting got lost quickly, and I didn’t find myself going back for any more. Scott seemed to dig it, though, as his ‘8’ attests.
April: Bias alert- I hate olives. Nevertheless, I made sure to scoop up a huge honkin’ olive, which horrified me as much as I expected it might. The green olive bits lend a weird brininess to the whole mixture which didn’t hurt but also didn’t help the cheese as a whole. Perhaps olive lovers would like it more.
There you have it, a three-way tie with Rosewood Market’s Jalapeno, DiPrato’s Original and Palmetto Cheese’s Bacon pimento cheese claiming top honors, though, as they say, with cheese as in youth sports, everyone is a winner.
Did I miss something? Am I way off or spot on? Let me know what you think by emailing me at [email protected]! And follow me on Facebook and Twitter @RonAiken! Chow!
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