Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry

October 4, 2013

Dear Debby and Jerry,

After my divorce quite a few years ago, I was stuck with bills from my ex-husband. This situation put me at such a disadvantage, but I did not want to declare bankruptcy. So, I took a menial job (who wanted to hire an over-60 woman?) and began the long, slow process of paying off these bills. It’s been almost five years, and I am about half way through paying off this debt, and I want to start dating again. Will anyone want to date someone who is broke, in debt, and on the backside of 60? I am in pretty good shape physically, not overweight, but a bit scared of how to approach dating in the midst of my financial situation. What should I do?

Melanie, Charlotte, NC

Dear Melanie,

Would some guy be so lucky to find such a responsible person? You should cite this experience when appropriate, as it reflects a person of admirable character and persistence. Like other matters pertaining to your background and interest, you should disclose your financial situation early on in meeting someone. The type person you are looking for will grasp the better part of your story and not be judgmental, but keeping it a secret will ultimately be worse.
 
Jerry
 

Dear Melanie,

I commend you for being so responsible. You were in a tough situation and you took full responsibility, and that wasn’t an easy thing to do. Believe me, there are many men out there who are broke, in debt, and on the backside of 60. You are not alone, so get yourself out there. But as Jerry said, disclose your situation early on.

Debby

Dear Debby and Jerry,

Recently, I had surgery for prostrate cancer, and now I am in the stages of recovery. I am a bit embarrassed to say this, but I am in diapers. I don’t know how long this will be necessary, but I want to know how to approach this problem when dating. Of course, sex is out of the question right now, but how do I let my potential date know about my problem, and — will she understand?

Dan, Greenville, SC

Dear Dan,

You sound like a very brave person and I commend you for wanting to get on with your dating life. While I don’t think it is necessary to state your medical problems in your profile, I would be very honest and upfront with anyone you dated more than once. I do know that many widows and widowers who have lost spouses to disease are looking for very healthy partners. This is understandable considering what they have gone through.   But I think you will be surprised by how many people your age have medical problems and are willing to date others that have them as well. Be honest, be yourself, and keep an open mind.

Debby

Dear Dan,

Not knowing the medical prognosis of your situation makes it difficult to respond to your dilemma. That is, will you gradually not be dependent on the use of diapers? If their use is short term, why not wait a little longer before being too active in on-line dating? If you are a regular reader of this column, you will have noted that offering full disclosure of health matters should be reciprocated by both parties when entering into a relationship.

This is particularly the case if your prognosis has long-term complications. Try not to fear going forward in dating just because of a health matter. You may find someone very accepting of your condition and also you may just find someone that you will equally have to accept with their health problems.

Jerry

Do you agree with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to:[email protected]

Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected]. Or mail your questions and comments to: Dear Debby and Jerry, 701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-197, Columbia, SC 29201. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column. 

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