Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry
September 13, 2013
September 13, 2013
Dear Debby and Jerry,
Do you feel everyone should be honest about age when dating on-line? Honesty is good but it also knocks you out of selection possibilities. If you neither look nor act your age, and met these same people face to face they probably wouldn’t rule you out.
Thank you,
– Jan
Dear Jan,
On-line dating statistics show that most women hedge their chronological age, particularly in the 50+ age groups. Online dating is not subject to swearing an oath and some sites would do better by requiring a range of age, rather than a specific age. Keep a couple of things in mind if you decide to spot yourself some years: (1) make sure you look reasonably like a person of that age, (2) in the first conversations with someone that interest you, you should tell them your real age.
– Jerry
Dear Jan,
I agree with Jerry that there should be an ‘age range’. I think people would be more honest about their age and not make it such a big issue. Do know that both men and women lie about their age. Unfortunately, in our society, there is an unnatural emphasis on youth, and I don’t see this changing any time soon. Many put youth ahead of character, similar interests, honesty, and compatibility. These relationships rarely work and they are back on the dating site once again. I encourage online daters to be honest and in doing so they may attract someone of similar age and interests.
– Debby
Dear Debby and Jerry,
I have a child with serious mental health issues, and I cannot find someone on-line who understands my situation. I have dated several people, but when my family comes up — and I am honest — they dump me. The problem is that I have a son with serious mental health problems, and no one wants to deal with me. Don’t they know that this is a brain disorder, and that I did not cause this problem? Don’t they know that this is a genetically based disease, and that my family did not make our son mentally ill? I want to meet someone who is caring, educated enough to know about mental illness, and not judgmental. How can I do this in today’s cruel, uninformed world?
Thanks for your help.
– Danny
Dear Danny,
I am truly sorry that you are going through this difficult ordeal. Today’s world can seem very cold and impersonal and the dating world can be especially judgmental. Do understand that many online daters have been married, divorced, widowed (some more than once) and they are looking for a relationship without problems. We all know that doesn’t exist, but they hope to find romance, love, and minimal problems. You might do better with a dating site that is specifically related to parents with children with mental health issues. You would find potential mates with problems similar to yours. Best of luck to you.
– Debby
Dear Danny,
You may wish to try some of the less traditional on-line dating sites. Also, there are forums on the internet for single parents with children with special needs. Maybe these will get you started:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1634967.aspx
There are women that will have empathy and love for you and your son. The search will be worth the results, so don’t give up!
– Jerry
Do you agree with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to: [email protected]
Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected]. Or mail your questions and comments to: Dear Debby and Jerry, 701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-197, Columbia, SC 29201. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column.
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