Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry

August 30, 2013

Dear Debby and Jerry,

Having been on a few Internet dating sites the last year and a half, I have noticed that many men’s profiles are not very good. I also know from some of my guy friends that many women’s profiles leave a lot to be desired. Could you both enlighten readers regarding the worst things men and women put or don’t put in their online dating profiles. I think everyone would appreciate it.

  – Colleen, Columbia, SC

Dear Colleen,

Putting yourself on an online dating site is like a job interview. You need to put your best foot forward and make sure you present yourself in a positive and professional manner. Unfortunately most men do not do this and their profiles are unimpressive. Here are five things that men can improve upon:

• Many men post bad photos. Do not wear ratty t-shirts, baseball hats, torn or ragged clothing, and certainly nothing bare. Women want to see you at your best, so why post unflattering photos. Get some help if necessary, as your photos are the first thing women see..

• Take the time to write a decent profile. Too many men don’t want to spend the time necessary to fill everything out. An I’ll tell you later translates to I’m too lazy to do it now.

• Be honest regarding your situation with your children. If you have custody of small children and have them every other week, this is important to mention. Some women have raised their children and are done. You want to find someone who welcomes new children into their life.  

• Be honest regarding your intentions. If you never want to get married again, say so. If you are just looking for a physical relationship, say just that. If you are not willing to relocate, mention it.

• If you do not drink, please put that in your profile. Many men won’t mention that, and when confronted say that women don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t drink. They’ll find out right away, and don’t you want to be with someone who wants to be with you?

With a little extra effort and some common sense, you will find that wonderful person you are looking for.

 – Debby

Dear Colleen,

Internet dating sites are a brief and simple way to present a favorable and honest image to those interested in establishing a relationship. Simple and brief does not mean that you should parse the information, but rather implies you should give thought to an overview of what is important to you and what might be important to others viewing your profile. Here are some of my impressions of what females might consider in presenting themselves through an Internet dating site:

• Once again, remember that men are visual. Therefore, do not hesitate to use the most flattering photos of yourself. Usually, not less than 4, no more than 8.

• Men are not interested in pictures of your pets, flower garden, sunsets, etc. If you are part of these pictures then that is acceptable.

• Do not refer, imply or dwell on emotional matters of your past. For example, if you dwell on or emphasize matters of trust, it reasonably implies that your husband was probably cheating on you. That information is best treated in another setting, if true.

• Comments such as my children are my best friends, my children are my life, my children are my greatest accomplishment, tells what? Some things can go without saying for women.

• A glass of wine on the beach, holding hands while watching the sunset, traveling to this or that place are rather trite. Try to be original!

• More women than not are challenged to be brief in writing about themselves and their interests. Brevity splashed with a bit of mystique and humor attracts most men.

This column has recommended that some subscribers using Internet dating might try a professional service to help them develop their profile. This advice is still recommended if responses from the site are less than satisfactory.

  – Jerry

Do you agree with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to: [email protected]

Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected]. Or mail your questions and comments to: Dear Debby and Jerry, 701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-197, Columbia, SC 29201. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column. Our website is under construction!

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