Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry

August 16, 2013 

Dear Debby and Jerry,

Well, the woman I met on a matchmaking website has me talking to myself. Hands down, she’s beautiful, sexy, fun and has a good heart. My friends are all envious of me, at least in those departments.  However, she is not very smart or well-read. To put this in perspective, I’ve been a member of Mensa International since 1975. So you see my conundrum. I continue to grow in frustration with this disparity. Is this a love conquers all kind of situation or is the outcome predictable, meaning we break up sooner or later?

– Jeffrey, Charleston, SC

Dear Jeffrey,

It seems you have a classic situation of the beauty and the brain. As an example, some readers may be old enough to remember the headlines of renowned playwright and author, Arthur Miller, and Hollywood beauty, Marilyn Monroe, and their love affair. There is plenty of evidence that opposites do attract each other, most often ending in a break-up. Some men do enjoy eye candy, but forget that candy melts. The most enduring attribute you named about your girl friend is her good heart. You will sooner or later break this heart, so don’t be selfish and do consider ending this relationship because of this major incompatibility. Release her so she can find someone that, most of all, appreciates her good heart.

Jerry

Dear Jeffrey,

The mere fact that you wrote in about this dilemma indicates that you already know the answer. Jerry is spot-on in his response that you need to let her go. If you really do care about her, you need to do the right thing, and the sooner the better. In the future, I advise you to be just as concerned about mental attributes as you are about the physical ones. You have a ‘big brain’, use it!

– Debby

Dear Debby and Jerry,

My question is a little tricky and I definitely need help. I met someone on an Internet dating site and we’ve been dating for about a month. I recently met a new guy on a different site and am seeing him as well. Are there rules regarding disclosure? Am I required to tell Guy#1 about Guy#2? I like them both but am not sure yet which one I like best. Are there time limits on this? Can I take more time or is this considered cheating? Are the rules different for online dating?

Annabeth, Sumter, SC

Dear Annabeth,

You are on these dating sites to find someone compatible that makes your heart sing. You are definitely entitled to date whomever you please as long as you act responsibly. If you realize one guy is not Mr. Right, let him know so he can find Ms. Right. Internet dating is a great medium for finding compatibility. There are a myriad of choices out there and you will know when you meet the man of your dreams. Oftentimes it is someone you least expect, which makes it even more special.

– Debby

Dear Annabeth,

Subscribers to Internet dating are there to find someone that best satisfies their needs and desires. Typically, there is an overlap in the dating game where someone is seeing more than one person. If either party (or more) ask you if you are dating someone else, transparency is the rule. Otherwise, you are under no obligation to reveal your status in dating. No, you are not cheating unless you make a commitment not to see anyone else while evaluating each other. There are a few individuals who find that Internet dating, by offering many choices, take full advantage of this dating environment. Knowing human nature, eventually one party or the other will ask for exclusivity in the relationship, but until that time comes take your time in making the best choice for yourself.

– Jerry

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Do you agree with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to: [email protected]

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