Dear Debby and Jerry: Advice on Dating in a New World

August 9, 2013  

Dear Debby and Jerry,

I have a girlfriend that I met on the internet. We’ve been dating for a month and she has invited me to her parents’ lake house for the weekend. They will not be there, so it is just the two of us. We’ve been really affectionate with each other, but haven’t had sex. Is this an invitation to finally have sex? I hear that some girls want to have a trip away to send that signal, and hey, that’s great by me. But how do I know? Do I just assume we’ll be bunking together? Do I put my bags in her room? Do I ask?

  – Joseph, Greer, SC

Dear Joseph,

Why worry? She has shown an element of trust in you and seems to want to advance the relationship. This lake house is in her territory and she will guide the outcome, I assure you. This is not the time to push the envelope, but a time to relax and enjoy the weekend……you will know when she knows.

   – Jerry

Dear Joseph,

Absolutely do not assume anything, women do not like that attitude. Do not put your bags in her room, simply ask her where you should put them.  She will definitely set the pace, and a ‘wise guy’ will just relax and go with it. She may want to see how you act in your first time away situation. Don’t stress out or make this the theme of the entire weekend. Have fun, be a helpful houseguest, and just see where things go. Whether consummation is in the cards or not, try to have a great time and enjoy the time at the lake.

   – Debby

Dear Debby and Jerry,

   – Sarah, Charleston, SC

Dear Sarah,

Your boyfriend sounds like a piece of work, but you do seem to care about him, so you will have to learn to deal with his so-called Anthony Wiener problem. Perhaps he feels deficient in some areas, and seems to need constant reinforcement. If you are not doing this, tell him how great he is, etc, and that he doesn’t have to publicize his package. Tell him how you feel and that you are tired of viewing his tweets, texts, and emails. Let him know you are happy with the real deal and ask him to try going a week au natural. If he cannot do this, you either accept him as is or move on.

   – Debby

Dear Sarah,

Internet dating has its disadvantages when you consider moving too quickly into a sexual relationship. However, since a quick sexual encounter is what you sought, you are now experiencing a fall-out from not knowing a person very well. So far, his actions seem harmless, but out of proportion to best behavior. Since you object, try a little humor first, such as, I did not know your were running for Mayor. This might make the point that the Internet is not the venue for such activities. Then, if he does not get the point, tell him candidly to stop sending this type communication. Keep it simple. You are not his therapist and it does not sound like you entered into the relationship with a long term relationship in mind anyway.

   – Jerry

Also, see this article on Anthony Weiner from the Huffington Post.

As an outgrowth of this column and the many readers who have shown interest in the quality of those they attract through Internet dating, Debby and Jerry are offering assistance in this area. For the first 5 readers asking for help in putting together a profile, we will aid them on a free basis. Just send us copies of your current profile (if you are posted on a site) or write us for a questionnaire that we can send you by regular mail. Of course, you may use our email address and be assured of strict confidentiality.

Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected]. Or mail your questions and comments to: Dear Debby and Jerry, 701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-197, Columbia, SC 29201. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column.