Deborah OConnor July 29, 2013

As a recent newcomer to the South, I am intrigued and impressed bythe Southern etiquette traditions practiced here. I love having doorsopened, being offered a seat, offers to carry packages, and a deferenceto women shown in the South. I did a little research on traditions andwanted to share them with readers. Many of these are exclusivelySouthern and quite charming.

• Greeting each other in theSouth has its own particular charm. One usually sees a genuine smilethat is seen in the eyes as well. Men usually shake hands and women hugeach other. The reason for shaking hands originated to show that you did not have a weapon in your hand. I believe this is still true in manycases, as Southerners are well armed. It is an insult to refuse to shake hands with another man. It is a subtle way to test each other’sstrength, and a weak or limp handshake immediately incurs disrespect.
• Eye contact is very important and can infer interest or disdain. It cannotbe too intense so as to be staring and it cannot be so brief as tocommunicate disrespect. It’s also critical that one’s eyes do not wander where they shouldn’t be. Men are strongly advised to keep their eyesabove the neckline when communicating with women. Gawking or turningaround to stare is a breach of etiquette and any good Southern boy knows this. This shows a complete lack of respect for women and noself-respect.
• A healthy respect for personal space is alwaysimportant. It is considered rude to crowd someone or “get in someone’sface”. This is considered intimidating and is not acceptable. It alsoprevents embarrassment of worrying about your breath or spraying someone as you speak. An arms distance is considered polite.
• Interrupting is another faux pas and not well-tolerated in the South. Being aWesterner (not a Northerner or Yankee, god forbid!), it has takenpractice to be patient and let the other person speak withoutinterruption. I’m making progress.
• One of my favorite Southerncustoms is that when males of any age enter a room, they remove theirhats. This goes back to ancient times of removing your hat in church,but is a wonderful custom that has survived the ages in the South.
• Men always stand when a lady enters the room, leaves the room, gets up from the table, and returns to the table.
• The art of addressing people can be confusing. In today’s society, lineshave been blurred and crossed, but you always address an older person or a superior by their sir-name. Between peers it is fine to use firstnames, but remember that familiarity can destroy barriers of properconduct in personal as well as professional life. A good example is that children always called adults by their last names. There is now acommon practice to call adults “Mr. Mike” or “Miss Louise”, whichcontributes to blurring lines of authority and respect.
• Gentleman should never speak improperly or use foul language around women andchildren. They should never tell sexually suggestive jokes or talk about private personal hygiene. Ladies should not put up with this behavior.
• Neighborliness is a blessing in the South. When someone new moves into yourneighborhood, usually everyone makes an effort to welcome them. Theywill bring you a plant or a dessert. They check on sick or elderlyneighbors. If someone is having a baby, surgery, or a death in thefamily, neighbors usually take turns bringing meals over to help out.

In spite of the many changes in our society over the last 50 years, manySouthern traditions have remained intact. I am proud to call the Southmy home.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skillsnecessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contactat:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz