How to be more charming

By Brian Maynor

 

Charm and charisma are seen as positive traits, especially when it comes to leaders, because it inspires commitment, trust and value from others, but few people can actually articulate what charm is or how to achieve it.

Before we can answer that question, let’s break down charm and its common misconceptions.  Here’s what you need to know:

1.   Defining charm.  The common definition is the power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration.

2.    Common characteristics.  Empathy, excellent listening skills, eye contact, enthusiasm and confidence are some of the most common characteristics associated with charm, and when you boil them all down they really point to just one skill, being a good communicator.

3.    Misconception.  Charm is often thought of as a quality, but it’s really an attribute.  That’s a subtle shift in perception, but a major one.  It means that charm isn’t something someone has, but rather something bestowed by others.  This means it is a fluid concept that can actually change depending upon the audience.

4.    Influences.  Even as an attribute, there are ways to influence our charisma and boost our charm factor.  For example:

a.   Master the art of asking questions.  Conversations generally require asking questions, but it should never feel like an interview, which is what happens when we ask a string of questions.  The art of asking questions is to break them up with statements, facts and contributions from the other person.  In other words, have a discussion instead of an interrogation.

b.   Be genuinely honest.  Charming people would never say anything harmful, but they frequently speak the truth, even when it’s shocking or brutal.  The key is that this honesty is directed at others as well as themselves.  However, this disregard for political correctness is polarizing.  While it will draw some people in it will also push people away.

c.   Focus on others.  Being seen as charismatic has a lot to do with making other people feel special.  They just have a way of making conversations a celebration of others, and that comes with both verbal and non-verbal communication skills like paying attention to details and working them back into the conversation.

Even though charm is something others see in us, the qualities can be learned and start with being genuinely honest and engaged with others.

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I am always curious to hear about your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and help make your work wardrobe pull double duty.  Email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].  Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

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