How to Deal with Confrontational Behavior

By Deborah O’Connor

Should you always take the high road when someone is treating you rudely or acting inappropriately? As in many etiquette situations, this is a case-by-case decision depending on the circumstances. Let’s take a look at some situations and decide how best to handle the controversy.

A friend of mine who was a coach for 26 years received a call from the father of a former player. He was irate and accused the coach of not promoting his son and therefore sabotaging his career. The coach did not buy into the irate behavior, but simply asked if he and his son could come in the next day and meet with him. When the father and son arrived, he presented all his records, which he meticulously recorded and kept. He was able to refute every accusation with facts that supported how many times the son had missed practice, how many penalties he had incurred, his subpar overall record, and every infraction he had made. The former player was embarrassed, his father was upset with him, and the coach walked away with his impeccable character intact.

A business acquaintance was called-out in a loud and obnoxious way by her boss. He accused her of losing a valuable client and told her that her job was in jeopardy. She calmly told him that she would like a voice in the situation and could they meet tomorrow morning. Her boss reluctantly agreed and they met the next morning. She had documented the account every step of the way and presented everything to her boss. She was vindicated and her boss realized that the client was the one at fault and he had the documentation to prove it.

A colleague was accused of wrongdoing and immediately dismissed from his job. He was told to clear out his desk and leave the premises immediately. After leaving the office, he called his attorney for advice. He was told that we are all entitled to due process. He called the employer and told her that she had violated his client’s rights, which violated the law, and that if he was not reinstated immediately, she would be sued.

Obviously, keeping impeccable records is a smart idea. Being able to back yourself up with written documentation is important, so get in the habit of doing so. We are all legally entitled to have our voice heard, so don’t be afraid to ask for this. It is also very important to hear both sides of any story and don’t be afraid to ask for time for everyone to calm down. Try not to stoop down to a low level, maintain your sense of self and you can emerge with class and confidence.

Please feel free to send questions to Deborah at: www.successfulimage.biz.

She will answer them in her weekly column.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skills necessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contact at:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz