How to empathize with someone who annoys you
April 26, 2018
By Brian Maynor
How do you react when someone annoys you?
As tempting as it may be to avoid them at all costs, it’s not always possible and never the best solution. Not to mention it’s not very professional. In fact, avoiding them can actually make matters worse.
Since success requires collaboration, even with people who annoy us, the best solution is to find some way to empathize with them.
According to Rich Fernandez, CEO of Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, the best way to respond to an annoying person is to cultivate compassion for them. Through compassion we can regain and maintain a balanced approach towards working together.
Here are a few tips to try the next time we’re faced with an annoying colleague:
1. Stay calm. As someone with a very short temper and low level of patience, this is a constant struggle for me. It takes a lot of self-control and willpower to not immediately react and lose all rational thought. There is actually a term for it, amygdala hijacking. Before this happens, it’s important to recognize our triggers so we can preempt them with deep breaths. That helps us to regulate our stress hormones to keep us in a better frame of mind for developing empathy.
Mr. Fernandez adds, it’s important to keep in mind when we do this, “we aren’t caving, and we’re not shutting down”; but rather we’re staying calm and “maintaining awareness of the situation.”
2. Depersonalize the situation. As personal as it can be, most likely the person isn’t annoying us on purpose. In fact, it’s most likely their actions have nothing to do with us at all. However, this works both ways. When we are annoyed we should ask ourselves, “Why are we reacting this way?” It could just as likely have absolutely nothing to do with the other person at all.
If we want any hope cultivating compassion for others, then we have to be able to cultivate for ourselves, which means being self-aware of our own projections and biases.
3. Say something nice. It’s a fact that we are more empathic with people we like, because we give them more leeway and the benefit of the doubt. When we don’t like someone we automatically assume the worst, which directly impacts our behavior towards them. As easy and tempting as it is to be sarcastic or passive-aggressive, the better choice is to offer a kind word or gesture, as long as it’s authentic. This helps shift our mindset from foil to friend.
“Remember empathy is a choice we can make in any scenario,” says Mr. Fernandez.
Working with difficult and annoying people may be outside of our control, but how we react to them is entirely within it. Hopefully these tips will help us to choose empathy over antipathy.
I am always curious to hear from you. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected].
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
