How To Handle Criticism Better
April 4, 2017
By Brian Maynor
I hate being criticized, even when it is constructive criticism, and I know I’m not alone.
For me, at the first hint of a critique my pulse quickens, my mind races and I immediately start thinking of a rebuttal. Like it or not, criticism is personal. It’s an assessment of our performance that was not up to the expected standard.
Since constructive criticism has value, it helps us identify weaknesses and areas for improvement, it’s important to stop our defense mechanisms from taking over so we can process them.
Here are a few ways to better handle receiving feedback:
1. Take a deep breath. At the first moment of receiving criticism this is paramount because it gives your brain the time it needs to prevent an initial reaction. Whether it’s a facial expression or quip, all your mind needs is a few seconds to process the situation and remind yourself to remain calm.
2. Think of feedback as a gift. Feedback can help you in the long run, improving your skills, abilities and relationships, so it’s helpful to remember that when it’s being presented to you. Also try to dismiss any feelings you’re harboring about the messenger.
3. Actively listen. It’s easy to completely ignore what is being said when you’re focused on what to say in rebuttal, but focusing on the message will help keep your mind on the present moment. One proven technique to both process what you’ve heard and acknowledge that you were paying attention is to not interrupt and repeat back what was said.
4. Ask for clarification. There is nothing that says you have to accept criticism lying down. Ask questions and make the other person fully explain their point of view. This is not the time to start analyzing or questioning the assessment. Instead focus on just understanding what is exactly being said. Don’t assume that what was said is what was meant. Providing feedback can be just as nerve-racking as receiving it.
5. Give a sincere ‘thank you’. As hard as it may be, after the feedback is given, look the person in the eye and thank them for sharing the feedback with you. It helps to know that this isn’t an agreement with their point of view; it is simply an acknowledgment of the time and effort they expended in collecting and presenting it.
6. Deconstruct and process the feedback. Once you’re alone and removed from the initial situation, it’s time to start dissecting and analyzing the critique. It may help to write down what was offered so you can process each point individually and compare your thoughts accordingly. Afterwards you should feel empowered to schedule a follow-up meeting for any further discussion necessary, able to focus on negotiating instead of retaliating.
Constructive criticism has its place, it guards against complacency and can be used as an attention grabber when necessary, but that doesn’t make it easier to hear. We can’t have a meltdown or attack the messenger out of our instinct to protect ourselves. That does more harm than good. So try these tips and see if they help, hopefully they will.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
