How To Keep Yourself Together When Dealing With Conflict

By Brian Maynor

 

Conflict happens.

It’s a natural part of life, especially when working with other people, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Conflict can lead to great advances and creations. It’s how we deal with conflict that can be ugly, even if that means keeping silent.

Whenever we have to deal with conflict there are two main schools or action: discuss it immediately or keep quiet. Ignoring the problem and internalizing it is the most common response, because it prevents uncomfortable conversations and we feel saves relationships, when in fact it’s the worst option. We know attitudes are contagious, and no amount of chanting ‘let it go’ or ‘I’m fine’ can disguise anger and frustration. It literally radiates from you and your behavior.

Why is it so hard to speak up and address the problem? For most of us, it’s because we’re afraid. Here are a few tips to help you regain control over fear and maintain your composure so you can articulate and resolve conflict neatly and cleanly:

1.    Intention. Before you ever open your mouth, first pause and think about what you want as the desired outcome. In the heat of the moment we all want to fight and make ourselves heard, but that rarely is in anyone’s best interest. By taking a few minutes to actually figure out what you want to happen you are not only releasing a lot of immediate passion you’re forming a clear goal for the conversation.

2.    Ask for time to talk. Again, in the moment it’s easy to just steamroll the other person with a barrage of condemnations, that may or may not be coherent, but those will do little to achieve your intended outcome. Before launching into your issues, ask if it’s a good time to talk, and if it’s not schedule one. Conversations are two sided, so you need the other person’s attention and commitment to hearing what you’re saying.

3.    Start with the facts. No one likes to feel ambushed or attacked, so when you do start the conversation be sure to start with the facts, not your feelings. By recounting the facts that lead to your feelings you’re bringing the other person up to speed on where you stand, and what you’re talking about. Plus it’s very non-confrontational.

4.    Then feelings, but focus on why you care. Your feelings are your feelings and not up for debate, so there isn’t much to resolve with them. They simply act as the impetus to why you’re having a conversation. What you really want to talk about is why they matter. By explaining your goal for the conversation you will also fine-tune your exact feelings that were masked by anger.

5.    Listen. Once you’ve laid out your position it’s time to listen, or more importantly hear, what the other person has to say. As the other side of the story, this is where you can uncover the reason for their behavior.

6.    Problem solve together. Once the other side has been expressed it’s time to figure out how to move forward and resolve the conflict. This should be done together and if the processes worked, cooler heads will have prevailed allowing for a joint resolution to be found.

Resolving conflict isn’t something we should be afraid of or avoid because it’s an inevitable part of life. We all have to interact with other people and that doesn’t always go smoothly, but being able to express the issue calmly is a necessary part of resolving it. Plus no one looks their best red-faced and fuming.

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

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