How to talk to someone when you don’t have anything to say
August 29, 2017
By Brian Maynor
We’ve all been in situations when we know we should be making small talk, but don’t have anything to say, so instead we resign to sit there in awkward silence.
It’s uncomfortable for everyone involved, and the panic of knowing you should say something often causes our brains to shut down; making the search for a topic futile. Fortunately, being able to carry on a conversation is a skill that we all can learn, especially when we have a little help, and it doesn’t include being a know-it-all. In fact, someone who feels the need to dominate a conversation and use it as a platform to demonstrate just how much they know turns off a lot of people.
Instead try these tips the next time you find yourself at a loss for words:
1. Forget about ‘being interesting’. When talking with someone we don’t know well, too often we focus on being interesting. We think that if we’re smart, funny or interesting the other person will like us more, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Conversations don’t have to be insightful to be meaningful, because it’s not the topic of conversation people remember; it’s the interaction. So we need to stop working so hard at being interesting, and just be ourselves.
2. When you’re at a loss, ask a good question. Questions demonstrate interest, and when we ask someone about themselves we show a level of personal interest and attention. However, not all questions are the same. Be sure to ask open-ended questions, and encourage them to elaborate. Asking ‘yes or no’ questions will not help keep the conversation moving.
3. You can always talk about food. Food is a universal topic, unlike technology, current events or fashion, and everyone has an opinion about it. This is a particular go-to for me when I’m at a cocktail party or dinner because food is a big part of the atmosphere and I can see what they are enjoying. If you’re not around food, you can still use it as a topic by asking for recommendations for lunch/dinner.
4. Rephrase what they say. Let’s be honest, sometimes we have to pretend we’re interested in something, when we really could care less. In these situations, sometimes all we can do is rephrase what is being said, but that’s not a bad thing. When we do this, it demonstrates the fact that we are actually listening, and encourages them to elaborate or clarify what they are saying until we can gracefully exit the conversation or change the topic.
Remember the experience is more important than the words. When we think back about a conversation or interaction with someone, typically we think about how we felt about it first and what was said second, if at all. Most conversations aren’t about sharing life-changing bits of wisdom or insightful manifestos; they’re about having a pleasant experience and exchange with another person. If you feel good about the interaction chances are they will too.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
