Is self-doubt causing you to act out?

By Brian Maynor

 

We all have periods of self-doubt and they are often related to events we find intimidating or scary, like public speaking or going on a date, but there is a hidden side to self-doubt that is less easy to spot.

When we are experiencing bouts of insecurity it can cause us to act in certain ways that are not readily associated with self-esteem. Here are a few common actions that may be driven by self-doubt that you would never expect:

1.    Retail Therapy. This is a common coping mechanism for many of us, but the rush of a new purchase fades quickly and sometimes ends up making us feel worse than before. It’s also been proven that the items you splurge on are related to the source of your frustration or disappointment. So before you whip out the credit card for a quick pick-me-up take a few minutes to think about why you want this new item and what you hope to gain from it. This will shine a spotlight on the real reason you’re out shopping so you can deal with that instead of a high credit card bill at the end of the month.

2.    Procrastination. We all have those certain tasks we save until the last possible minute, but have you ever stopped to think about why? For most of us we push off projects we don’t feel 100% confident about, which just compounds the feelings of self-doubt because when you’re rushing to get it done there is a higher risk of making mistakes. For your next daunting project try breaking it down into smaller tasks that you can work on every day. This will boost your confidence because you’ll feel productive instead of overwhelmed.

3.    Judging Others. Evaluating and forming opinions about people is part of human nature, but if you find that you’re overly critical or harsh in your opinions chances are you’re projecting your own insecurities onto others. Dismissing others or jumping to harsh conclusions is one of the most common defense mechanisms, but it can have detrimental consequences. Recognize it before you irreparably damage relationships.

4.    Superiority Complex. A counterpart of judging, if you immediately think you’re the best, smartest, most stylish or coolest person in the room chances are you’re masking feelings of inadequacy in all of those areas. When people act super-confident more often than not it is just that, an act. If you want to boost real self-esteem try joining a group activity that is completely new to you. As you learn and make new achievements your self-esteem will grow and you won’t have to pretend to be above it all.

No one feels confident all the time, but you may not realize just how much your insecurities are directing your actions, especially when they seem completely unrelated. The next time you find yourself in one of these situations do yourself a favor and get to the root of the behavior. It might not be pretty, but you’ll be glad you did.

 

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I am always curious to hear some of your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and challenges. Please send your comments and questions to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

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