Nice Guys Finish Last – It’s Sad But True

By Brian Maynor

 

One of the hallmarks of Southern culture is possessing impeccable manners.

As a born and reared Southerner I was raised to say ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’ along with ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ practically every time I opened my mouth. It’s part of our heritage and something that is as characteristic as our accent, but does all of that politeness and civility actually hurt us?

We all want others to like us and being nice is a great way to do that, but there is a draw back to it, especially when it comes to professional advancement. Here are a few ways being nice can hurt you instead of helping you:

 

1.    Causes you to compromise more. Nice people don’t like to ruffle feathers. That being said, they tend to sacrifice their own voice and opinion in order to go with the flow. Forbes is one of the many authorities to document the negative consequences to this habit. They found that people who never express a contrary opinion are seen as not contributing to the group goal and lose respect from colleagues and peers. Being authentic to yourself, even if it’s a minority or contradictory position, will show you are courageous and willing to spark conversation, not just chime along with the status quo.

2.    You become a people-pleaser. What could be wrong with wanting to make sure everyone around you is happy? When you focus on making everyone around you happy, you marginalize yourself at best, but often completely lose all creditability. People-pleasures are often deemed unreliable because they say whatever the person in front of them wants to hear. Trying to make everyone happy never works and skews benevolent intentions into something negative.

3.    You put yourself last. Nice people have a hard time saying ‘no’. Even though it’s uncomfortable and makes you feel bad to turn down a request for help, doesn’t mean you should never say ‘no’. Always saying ‘yes’ means you will be stuck doing the grunt work, or housekeeping matters no one else wants to do, leaving little time for productive, career advancing tasks. Are Senior partners the ones always taking meeting minutes or cleaning up the break room?

4.    You lose all authority. No one gets a promotion or high-profile job because they remember everyone’s birthday and plan the office parties. The skills involved in these tasks rarely translate in job performance reviews. Instead of focusing on these ‘feel good’ tasks spend the limited amount of time and energy you have to participate in your own advancement, unless your goal is to be the ‘office mom’.

 

Contrary to what you were taught as a child, being nice isn’t always the best practice, especially if you want to achieve your career goals. That being said, you don’t need to be a jerk to get ahead, just keep yourself and your priorities at the top of your list and accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay.

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

 

I am always curious to hear about your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and help make your work wardrobe pull double duty. Email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

 

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