Non-traditional ways to evaluate first impressions
June 21, 2017
By Brian Maynor
We’ve all met people who presented themselves one way only to turn out to be completely different over time. It happens, and doesn’t mean we’re poor judges of character. Chances are we simply didn’t see all the signs to look beyond the initial presentation.
Once the first impression has been made via the introduction, there are things to look for, or at least be aware of during your interaction, which will give you a better understanding of who the person is beyond the surface level.
Here are some of the most telling indicators:
1. How much do they listen vs. talk? People with a genuine interest in you, or the job they are interviewing for, not only hear what we say, the listen to what we are not saying as well. People who tend to talk more than they listen or continuously interrupt the conversation are clues to pick up. However, interruptions are not always bad. The difference is whether or not the interruption is for clarification or simply to bring the focus back to them.
2. Are they naturally kind? Kindness is easy to mimic when you’re trying to impress someone, so pay attention to how they interact with everyone else. Are they genuinely kind to everyone they contact? For example, holding open doors, smiling at other people and saying hello, and being courteous to the staff. If they are dismissive to everyone, except you, that is another clue that appearances are probably deceiving.
3. Do they ‘act on’, or ‘react to’ feedback? While no two people respond the same way to any feedback, they do tend to fall into one of two categories: those who act on it, and those who react to it. Acting on feedback means it is accepted positively and used constructively to improve. Reacting to feedback is the negative, resentful even angry response that stems from taking offense to it. If the response is reactionary, that says a lot about their ability to be objective and express themselves.
4. Do they make you feel warm and fuzzy, or embarrassed? Flattery is a funny thing. Sometimes it makes us feel happy, appreciated and loved while other times it makes us feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed. The difference is in the motive behind the kind words. When someone is genuine we have the warm fuzzy feelings, but when they are not, we pick up on it and tend to feel uncomfortable. Trust that gut reaction. It is an intuitive guide to what is behind the flattery.
5. Do you want to spend time with the person? This is another gut feeling that we may not always recognize. When we feel comfortable around someone, and actually want to spend more time with them, that is a huge indicator that they are being genuine and your personalities mesh well together. Looking to end a conversation quickly is an indication that the person does not gel with our personality, values or interests.
One of my favorite sayings is: the heart may be fooled and the mind swayed, but your gut is always true. While there are some signals and signs we can look to for guidance when meeting new people, sometimes we just get a feeling one way or the other about them without anything to substantiate it. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person, or that we should blindly dismiss our feelings. It simply means we should look past face value with eyes that are open wide.
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
