Oh Snap! – How To Recognize And Manage Snap Judgments
May 3, 2017
By Brian Maynor
We all make snap judgments about people, but have you ever noticed there is a consistent predictability to them?
Quick, dismissive thoughts and ideas about others mainly happen when we’re annoyed, hurt or embarrassed; whether it’s at work, public or with friends and family.
Now that we know when they are likely to happen, we can start to manage them, and the first step is to understand them. Snap judgments happen when we use internal factors, like personality type, to explain someone’s behavior without considering any external ones. That’s why we always find we judge the person and not the situation.
Here are a few tips to try the next time we’re in a situation where we make a blanket assumption about someone that may help curb our inner critic as well as protect our own feelings from the actions of others:
1. Avoid over generalizations. When we’re upset, hurt or embarrassed it’s easy to lash out with assertions that include ‘always’ and ‘never’. While it may seem true at the moment, it’s not very reasonable or fair to the other person. Instead qualify your feelings with a timeframe like today, or this week. This will also add value to your claim because it’s not as easily dismissed.
2. Look for the best. It’s easy to make harsh assumptions about someone when we are only looking for the negative or worst in people, but it becomes much harder when we look for the good. Instead of just cataloging someone’s faults the next time we’re upset, we should force ourselves to list their good qualities as well. It helps us calm down when we can see someone as a person instead of a monster.
3. Assign excuses for people’s actions. One of the reasons we are so lenient with judging our own actions is because we know the ‘whole story’. That means we know the context, motives and rationale behind them, but with others we don’t. So to level the field, make some up or use some of our own. We forgive a lot more when we know ‘why’ someone behaves a certain way, even if we have to provide it for ourselves.
4. Be brave and ask. This is probably the simplest and most direct solution to understand someone’s behavior. Calling attention to someone’s behavior may elicit an immediate apology and explanation if done in a constructive, understanding way, but it will only escalate the situation if we insult them or hurl accusations.
People are going to hurt our feelings, make us angry or embarrass us. It’s inevitable. So while we may never be able to completely silence the inner critic in our mind, with a little mindfulness and practice we can rein it in considerably. I guess the old adage proves right again, “don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
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I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace. Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected]. Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.
About Brian Maynor
Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.
