Tips to speak up

By Brian Maynor

How many times have we witnessed some injustice, no matter how great or small, and just turned our backs and walked away or ignored it?

Unfortunately it happens more often than we like to admit, especially if we tend to be reserved, soft-spoken or confrontationally adverse, because speaking up is hard to do.  It doesn’t matter it’s seeing someone behaving unethically, being left out, or acting badly, when the opportunity arises for us to speak up we tend to let our fear get the better of us and shirk away from the responsibility.  What’s worse is that we tend to rationalize our inaction afterwards.

If this cycle of fear and regret sounds familiar, here are a few tips we can use to break it:

1.   First, realize speaking up is hard. Albert Bandura, a leader in the scientific study of psychology, discovered decades ago that one of the best indicators of success was whether or not we believed we would succeed.  After countless experiments and studies he has yet to be proven wrong.  Taking this theory to heart, when we recognize that speaking up is hard, but commit ourselves to doing it anyway we give ourselves a much better chance of actually doing it.

2.    Second, recognize and preempt social threats. There are five forms of social motivation that work together in social interactions and they are:  status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness.  When we don’t speak up it tends to be out of fear of risking one or more of those motivations.  One way to quell this fear is by stating at the beginning that in speaking out we are not making any assumptions or critiques about intent, but rather providing feedback on impact.  The idea is to make it clear you are not attacking the person, but relaying helpful information.

3.    Third, formulate a plan. No one likes to be put on the spot, and when it happens we tend to all react the same way; we freeze.  Now it may be just a momentary freeze, but during that time we are frantically formatting a plan on how to deal with the situation.  One way to avoid this shutdown is to already have a plan in place.  Now it’s impossible to predict specific situations, but we can create an if/then plan, which makes us 300% more likely to succeed.  Start by thinking about the types of situations that are most likely to arise in our life and then think about ways to handle each one.  It’s all about being prepared.

Speaking up may be hard to do, but that doesn’t have to stop us from doing it.  It is possible for all of us to speak up respectfully and impactfully, and these tips can help.

I’m always excited to hear from you, so please email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.