Over-the-Top Expensive Weddings-It is Okay to Say No?

By Deborah O’Connor

It appears there is another way to go into debt these days: with a wedding! It is quite amazing what is now involved, including everything from a venue (many times a destination wedding in an exotic locale), to designer dresses and shoes, professional hair and make-up, hotel rooms at the destination, including airfare, transportations, and meals. There is also the bachelorette party and sometimes a Jack and Jill (men and women included) as well. There are bridesmaids’ gifts, wedding gifts, showers galore, and of course the honeymoon. If you are a young person starting out and are included in one of these very expensive affairs, you can go into a great deal of debt trying to keep up with everything and everyone. Here is a good example:

Dear Deborah:

 I am a college graduate with an entry-level job. I am very happy and feel that this is the company I will grow with. My problem is that three of my girlfriends are getting married in the next few months, and the financial demands are way beyond my means. Two of them are destination weddings and I am expected to pay my own way for transportation and room. All of them expect me to buy a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, makeup, and also help pay for the Bachelorette Party. There are also 3 showers which I am expected to help finance, not to mention the wedding gifts. There is no way I can do all of this and I need help! These are my friends and I don’t want to lose them.

 Courteney

Dear Courteney,

You certainly have a conundrum. This sounds very expensive and overwhelming, but your main concern is keeping your friends. I suggest you go to each girl and explain your situation. Do not tweet, Facebook, or make this a gossip issue. Simply be open and honest and tell them you are not in a financial position to take part in these weddings. You should never go into debt to pay for a friend’s wedding. It is not your responsibility. And don’t fall into the plight of people paying for your dress or airline ticket, because you will still owe that person the money. If they are you friends, they will understand. If you could only afford one thing, it should be the gift. And you should make it equal for each wedding.

In the future, you might want to budget for weddings if you feel that it is important enough. Figure out how much a wedding averages and put some away each month.

This way you will be prepared if you chose to participate.

Please feel free to send questions to Deborah at: www.successfulimage.biz.

She will answer them in her weekly column.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skills necessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contact at:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz