Boomerasking: The Sneaky Habit That’s Hijacking Your Conversations

Ever had a chat where someone asked you a question just to swoop in with their own story before you could finish your answer? Congratulations—you’ve encountered the latest conversational quirk scientists are buzzing about: boomerasking. It’s like a boomerang of questions that always finds its way back to the asker!

Coined by behavioral researchers Alison Wood Brooks from Harvard Business School and Michael Yeomans from Imperial College Business School, boomerasking describes the habit of asking a question not out of genuine curiosity, but as a clever segue to talk about oneself. This conversational trick can leave the other person feeling unheard and undervalued.

Researchers have identified three primary forms of boomerasking:

Ask-bragging: This occurs when an individual asks a question and then uses the opportunity to boast about their own experiences. For example, asking, “How was your vacation?” and then immediately following up with, “Mine was amazing! I went to Italy for two weeks!”

Ask-complaining: In this form, a person inquires about someone else’s situation only to segue into their own grievances. For instance, asking, “How’s work?” and then interjecting with, “Ugh, I’ve had the worst week.”

Ask-sharing: This involves asking a question and then sharing a neutral or unrelated personal anecdote, such as discussing a peculiar dream or a random opinion, without genuinely engaging with the other person’s response.

While individuals who engage in boomerasking may believe they are being engaging and polite, studies indicate that this behavior is often perceived as insincere and self-centered by others. Recipients of boomerasking tend to feel that the asker is more interested in steering the conversation toward themselves rather than fostering a meaningful exchange. This misalignment can lead to negative impressions and diminished conversational satisfaction.

To cultivate more authentic and rewarding interactions, it is advisable to:

Ask questions driven by genuine curiosity: Pose inquiries that reflect a true interest in the other person’s experiences and perspectives.
Practice active listening: Engage attentively with the responses, providing thoughtful follow-up questions or comments that build upon what has been shared.
Be mindful of conversational balance: While sharing personal experiences is a natural aspect of dialogue, ensure that such disclosures do not overshadow the contributions of others.

By being aware of boomerasking tendencies and striving for sincere engagement, individuals can enhance the quality of their conversations, leading to more meaningful and mutually satisfying interactions.

Sources: Business Insider, New York Post, The Guardian.