Here and there

July 10, 2007

My wife and I love our life in South Carolina.  It’s such a great place to raise a family.  We are not originally from around these parts.  Each of the past few summers, we have been fortunate to visit both sides of our family.  I like that our children have the opportunity to experience different parts of the continent. Frankly, I wish we could broaden their experiences by traveling more extensively, because in the grand scheme of things, there’s not a lot of culture shock as your travel between Maine, Ontario and South Carolina.  

I am a strong, believer in avoiding any kind of label for a person.  Yankee, Southerner, Canuck, Christian, Jew, woman, black, yellow or white. We are all the same in the eyes of the Maker.

Yet, at the risk of further entrenching North versus South stereotypes, I offer up a few observances of some subtle differences between here and there.

South
People are friendly.  Drivers (for the most part) patiently indicate You first by lifting their index finger on the steering wheel.  Mexican standoffs regularly occur at intersections, neither driver wanting to make the first move.

North
People try to be friendly.  Drivers are constantly trying to get in front of you.  If you don’t let them in, they raise their middle finger.  Accidents regularly occur at intersections because both drivers refuse to lose.

South
The ocean in the summer is 85 degrees.  Parents and kids spend hours in the ocean cooling off.

North
The ocean in the summer is 60 degrees.  Kids spend hours in the ocean because they’re kids.

South
There’s no traffic.  It’s easy to get around.  People complain about the traffic.

North
There’s traffic.  It can take 2 hours to get home.  People don’t complain about the traffic.  It’s just a fact of life.

South
Something is in bloom all year round.  Even in the heat of summer, the crepe myrtles are in bloom.

North
Something is in bloom for maybe seven months a year.  The other five months, it’s grey.

South
On New Year’s and the 4th, people drink booze all day and then get in touch with their inner pyromaniac by blowing up a not insignificant part of their disposable income on fireworks.  (Or as I like to call them, explosives).  The law states that you can’t light off fireworks within 600 feet of a school or church.  Lighting fireworks off within 50 feet of a neighbor’s house, however, and accidentally firing them AT the neighbors is perfectly legal. 

North
On New Year’s and May 24, people drink all day and get in touch with their inner pyromaniac by watching the state controlled fireworks from miles away.

South
Two months of 90 degree heat is called summer. Knowing that it is summer, people deal with it by turning on their air conditioners.  They sleep in their beds with the duvet pulled up.

North
Two days of 90 degree heat is called a heat wave. People grow listless and sit around in their underwear and complain.   Thinking that the weather might break, they resist for one more year buying an air conditioning wall unit and instead buy big noisy fans.  They sleep in the damp, moldy basement.

South
On Sunday, families go to church.  They skip going to church a couple of Sundays a month and feel bad about it.

North
On Sundays, families do whatever they want to do, but the thought of going to church doesn’t really ever cross their mind.  When you admit that you attend church regularly, friends look at you strangely and shake their heads.  Really?

South
When you get mad, you say Dag Gummit.

North
When you get mad, nothing is off limits.  Even grandmothers cuss like sailors. 

South
You play tennis year round.

North
You play tennis outdoors for five summer months; the rich also play indoors during the winter months.

Folks is basically decent wherever you go.  Still, I like visiting there, and living here.  I’ll just hide the family indoors during fireworks season.

Alan Cooper

Publisher, MidlandsBiz.com