Small Talk – You May Hate To Do It, But There Are Benefits

By Brian Maynor

 

Small talk is a social construct that people either embrace or abhor, but there are significant benefits to engaging in the practice, especially before negotiations if you’re a man.

According to HBR.org a recent study conducted by Brooke Shaughnessy of Ludwig-Maximilians-Universität in Germany found that men who struck up casual conversations before negotiations reached a 6% higher outcome over those who didn’t.  Unfortunately the same results were not reported in women, but there were no adverse effects found.

So how do you do small talk effectively?  Here are a few tips I keep in mind when trying to relate to a stranger quickly:

 

1.   Identify and engage the other person.  Body language and non-verbal communication tools are critical at this first stage of small talk.  Appear friendly, open and most of all relaxed by maintaining an ‘open stance’.  You want the person to feel you’re interested in them and not simply performing a perfunctory obligation.   The easiest ways to do this is to:  put your phone away; avoid crossing your arms; slightly lean towards them and smile.

 

2.   Keep the conversation light.  This type of interaction is a balance between exchanging energy as well as information.  After the introductions try to remember Dr. Carol Fleming’s ARE method:

Anchor the situation.  Start the conversation with a comment on the shared experience, like: ‘This view is amazing.’ Or ‘The weather is perfect.’

Reveal something about yourself related to the anchor.  For example: ‘I always feel more connected when I look out over the city.’ Or ‘I am looking forward to rafting the river this weekend, so I’m glad the humidity broke.’  You want the person to know something about you, no matter how small, because that develops the connection that will ease the negotiations or meeting.

Encourage a conversation by now turning it over to the other person.  Ask them a question related to the anchor, like:  ‘What’s your favorite view of the city?’ Or ‘Have you ever been rafting on the river?’

 

3.   Now that the conversation has started, where is it going to go?  Avoid that awkward silence after the initial questions by observing your surroundings.  That includes what the other person is wearing, holding or even on the wall around you.  When the initial conversation ends throw out a complement to the other person or comment on a piece of art.

Don’t forget to listen.  Really listening to the conversation will help you identify commonalities and also give you direction for the conversation.

 

4.   Close strongly.  It’s called small talk for a reason; it should be brief.  End with a comment about your conversation to further strengthen the connection and an action word like: ‘I definitely want to check out that city view you recommended, but we should get started.’

 

Small talk may not come naturally to you, but make yourself do it.  The words are not what people will remember, it’s how you made them feel.  Plus it beats appearing rude or aloof by constantly staring into your phone.

I am always curious to hear from you and what you see in the workplace.  Send your questions, comments and pet peeves to [email protected].  Also find each of these storyborads at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

 

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About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.