Why Do We Need Etiquette Anyway?

By Deborah O’Connor

Last week I was teaching etiquette to a group and was asked the question, “Why do we need etiquette anyway, and how did it start?” Here is a brief history of etiquette and why it is essential to our lives today.

As prehistoric people began to interact with one another, they learned to behave in ways that made life easier and more pleasant. Manners had a practical purpose. Then early civilizations developed rules for proper social conduct.

Much of today’s formal etiquette originated in the French royal court during the 1600-1700’s. The nobles who lived at court did not work, and so they developed elaborate social customs mostly to avoid becoming bored. The nobles drew up a list of proper social behavior and called it an etiquette. This word came from an old French word meaning ticket. This code of behavior soon spread to other European courts and eventually was adopted by the upper classes throughout the Western world.

From the 1500’s through the early 1900’s, children learned etiquette at school. Children were advised on such points as the proper way of kneeling before their teachers, the value of remaining silent until spoken to, and using a dinner knife as a toothpick!

Over the years, people were expected to follow an increasingly complicated set of rules. Many of the rules seem silly today. In Western countries in the 1800’s, a young man could not speak to a young woman he knew until she had first acknowledged him. Little girls curtsied and little boys bowed when introduced to someone. Not many years ago, when a young man and a young woman went out on a date, she was expected to sit quietly in the car while he walked around it to open her door and help her out. Some still adhere to this very polite and charming custom.

Since the 1960’s, manners have become much more relaxed. Etiquette today is based on treating everyone with the same degree of kindness and consideration, and it consists mostly of common sense. It is helpful to know some rules about how to behave in certain situations, only because this makes life more comfortable for you and makes you more self-confident in social situations.

The importance of manners and etiquette in today’s society can never be overemphasized. Many people think that manners are less important in today’s busy, fast-paced world because there just isn’t time for it. In our modern world, how you treat others and your actions, manners and etiquette, definitely affect how people view you.

When you can affect how people think of you, you can use this persuasion and influence to improve many aspects of your life. What you say and how you act is who you are. This should make you realize the power of manners and etiquette and how you could use it to your benefit.

You may think that etiquette is just a list of things to do or not to do so that you look prim and proper. You need to change this perception and realize how important the influence of etiquette can be. It will help you become someone people admire and are attracted to. Etiquette can help you in most every circumstance in your personal and business life. It makes you stand out and gives you self-confidence, and people are drawn to this. When you are kind to others and show proper manners and etiquette, people want to be around you because you make them feel good about themselves. Everyone likes to be treated with respect and kindness. In many ways, etiquette gives you power and influence. You are always prepared to make a good impression at any time and this impacts those around you. Remember, etiquette is not just a bunch of senseless rules; it is a way of life.

Please feel free to send questions to Deborah at: www.successfulimage.biz.

She will answer them in her weekly column.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skills necessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contact at:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz