Columbia is about to See Stars (and me) at Columbia’s Oxygen Ball!

By Jillian Owens
November 15, 2013

When the Midlands SC chapter of the American Lung Association asked if I’d like to be a Celebrity Dancer for their Dancing With the Stars competition for their upcoming Oxygen Ball fundraising gala I immediately said yes. I’ve lost several family members to lung cancer (As it turns out, cigarettes can kill you…who knew?), so I this was definitely a cause I could get behind. My motivations weren’t purely altruistic though. As a teenager, I loved the film, Strictly Ballroom . It’s about an unlikely ballroom dance champion who wins the big competition dancing the traditional version of the Pasodoble. I, too, could triumph as the underdog! My imagination ran wild with 80’s- style montages where I gradually lost all my clumsy awkwardness and transformed into the most gifted ballroom dancer in the world! Isn’t she amazing? She got her start at a fundraising gala in Columbia, South Carolina! Can you believe it?!?, my legions of fans would whisper as they watched me glide across the dancefloor.

Yes. It’ll be Just like this!

You should know I can’t dance. At all. When my friends want to go out dancing, I’ll happily join them, but I limit my physical expression to sitting at the bar, lifting my glass of wine, and maybe tapping my foot if I’m feeling particularly rhythmic. After enough cocktails, I’ll certainly try to dance, but these attempts are usually met with comments such as, What are you trying to do? and Are you okay?.

Nevertheless, I went into my first lesson filled with optimism. I met my parter, Robert Michalski, a seasoned professional ballet dancer, and Erin Jaffe Bolshakov, the owner of Vista Ballroom …where I had just 8 lessons to become a dancer. I was immediately struck by what amazing shape they were both in. While I happily blow off going to the gym after looking in the mirror and thinking, Eh…It’s good enough. I’ll just have a salad for lunch., these two were obviously very serious about their craft.

My ego began to deflate as I answered very kindly-phrased questions about my previous dance experience (none), if I really liked dancing to music on my own (No, It makes my pets worry), and if when I listened to music I found myself bobbing my head to the rhythm (nope). As my first lesson progressed, I realized that all of my mental preparation and outfit planning for my future dance career of the previous week didn’t actually remedy one major flaw in my plan…I can’t dance. At all.

My lunge could use some work as well.

I struggled through even the most basic steps and couldn’t remember where I was supposed to be when. I discovered it’s impossible to Breathe! and Relax! when actually asked to do so. Erin is a great teacher. Robert is a great partner. I’m afraid it’s not them, it’s me.

I’m literally busting my rear to learn how to dance!

It reminded me of the time I thought I should start playing roller derby. After being ousted by one team for being pretty terrible at the sport, I joined another where, for a long time, I sucked just as badly. I remember after one practice where I finally snapped. I threw my helmet and skulked off into the hallway to loathe myself in private. My coach followed me and tried to cheer me up with, You’re getting better! and Don’t get discouraged! With my forehead still pressed against the cool cinderblock wall, I turned to face him slowly and said, Do you have any idea how mentally exhausting it is trying your best at something you totally suck at?

I never got very good at roller derby, but I did eventually get much better, skated in several bouts (occasionally well), and eventually gave up the sport feeling pretty darned okay about the whole experience.

I don’t think I’m ever going to get terribly good at the Viennese Waltz either. Physical coordination isn’t something I’ve ever excelled at, and I can’t seem to remember even the most basic choreography to save my life. I’m totally ungraceful, and I sense I’m not learning nearly as fast as my competition. At this point I’m just desperately hoping I don’t end up humiliating myself. And that will be good enough.

This won’t be the last thing I try my best at, even though I’m absolutely lousy at it.

Because if I only tried things I knew I’d be awesome at, how on earth would I ever learn anything new?

Would you like to vote for me and support the American Lung Association? Each vote is $10 and not only helps me to become the next Midlands Dancing with the Stars Champion, but also helps ALA work toward their mission. Every donation is tax-deductible. The direct URL is www.midlandsoxygenball.org

Funds generated from this event will support advocacy efforts for clean indoor and outdoor air, tobacco prevention and cessation programs, education, and life management programs for children with asthma, research to promote lung health and prevent lung disease, and lung disease support groups. Funds will also benefit their annual camp for children with severe asthma called Camp Breathe Easy.

If you have questions, please feel free to contact the ALA Midlands Office at 803-779-5864.

Jillian Owens is a writer, designer, and eco-fashion revolutionary. A Columbia SC transplant, she graduated from the University of South Carolina with a BFA in Theatre and English. When she’s not gallivanting about, she’s busy refashioning ugly thrift store duds into fashionable frocks at ReFashionista.net. Jillian has been featured on The Rachael Ray Show, Good Afternoon America, ABC Columbia, Jasper Magazine, Skirt, Columbia Metropolitan, The Free Times, Grist, and NYC’s Guest of a Guest. She also reviews local theater productions for Jasper Magazine and Onstage Columbia. 

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