Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry
April 19, 2013
Advice from Debby and Jerry on Dating in a New World
April 18, 2013
Dear Debby and Jerry,
I recently had a date with a man that was absolutely perfect while emailing and talking on the phone. When we decided to meet for dinner, everything was smooth and wonderful…..UNTIL the server brought the bill! My date said that my one-half of the bill was such and such and he would pay for the other half. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but this way of handling the dinner bill did not sit right with me.
Is this splitting of the bill more typical, today? Is this what we women get for being independent and successful?
Kathy
Dear Kathy:
I tend to agree with you in that it seems like your new date may be a bit penurious, which is a fancy way of saying that he is cheap! To just assume on the first date that you should split the bill is rude. In our society, men have traditionally paid for dinner, etc., especially on a first date, unless discussed beforehand. My guess is that you would not have gone on the first date if he had proposed it before you met, which is why he did not say anything. I would also guess that this has not happened to you before, because it is rather unusual. I also predict that you will not date him again. The message he sent was loud and clear, that he expects you to pay half of everything. You now have the facts and the choice is yours.
Debby
Dear Kathy,
Hold on! Well, Debby may be right, but let’s take a second look. First, who proposed the dinner engagement, that is, did he ask you out to have dinner? If yes, then without a doubt it is his responsibility. Secondly, if many other things about your date were appealing, did you think to tell him you are accustomed to having the man pay for dinner? How about another response such as suggesting that he should pay for the first meal and you would gladly pay for the second outing (should there be one). Good communication starts early and asking him his thoughts on having his dates pay one-half might reveal some interesting background. Lastly, how important are traditional customs to you? Was his behavior a deal killer or have you just run across a very thrifty date?
Jerry
Do you side with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to: [email protected]
Dear Debby and Jerry:
A few months ago I met a great guy on a major Internet dating site and we have been spending time together and getting to know each other. We mutually agreed that the time was right for a physical relationship. It has been wonderful for both of us, but recently things have taken a turn, which has me concerned. My boyfriend seems to be bored with normal sex and is trying to get me to try some kinky things. I want to be open-minded and I love my boyfriend, but I was raised in South Carolina and am more conservative. Am I being unfair or should I listen to my inner voice and get the heck out of Dodge?
Jennifer
Dear Jennifer,
There are many choices on the spectrum of sexual inclinations and activities. If you feel uncomfortable with your new boyfriend’s preferences, you should tell him. A recent novel that has been widely read told of a similar story, which was a mix of trust and experimentation. However, as we have learned from long ago, anything other than the missionary position was stretching the boundaries of sexual daring.
You should always choose the level of your own comfort in sexual interplay with your partner. On the other hand, each should find the right level of spice to keep the sexual fires burning. Before you get out of Dodge, talk it out, as there may be some room for compromise.
Debby and Jerry
Send any online dating advice questions to: [email protected]. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column.
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