A new toothbrush

By Jeff Becraft

Back in June, my wife gave me an electric toothbrush for Father’s Day. I am convinced that this toothbrush should be registered with the U.S. Geological Survey because it most certainly could be used to drill for oil. I am also convinced that it comes with a Harley Davidson engine on it.

I never thought that brushing your teeth could be a dangerous occupation. But now I want to put on a hardhat, an orange vest, and some safety goggles when I head into the bathhouse to brush my teeth.

It is great to have an F-16… but you still need to know how to fly the F-16.

I remember having an electric toothbrush at some point as a kid but I don’t remember it being such a dramatic experience. It’s been a long time since I have used an electric toothbrush and you might be thinking that it is just like riding a bike. It is not.

Over the years, brushing my teeth has been a casual experience. I would just wander in there, take a look in the mirror to make sure it is me (I certainly don’t want to be brushing someone else’s teeth), and go to it. But now that I have entered the industrial revolution in teeth brushing, it’s more like heading into a demolition planning meeting to come up with a strategy of successfully completing the task.

I have to admit that I did not read the instruction manual beforehand but I am not sure if that would have prepared me for what was coming.

I put the toothpaste on the toothbrush part. I then press the toothbrush against my teeth because I know once I hit the button, the action is going to start (a correct assumption). The unit has one button on it. When I hit the button, my whole mouth starts vibrating. I knew I was in over my head right from the get go.

I hit the button again, but rather than shutting it off, it switched it into a higher gear.  (I didn’t even know this thing had a gear box.)  Now my whole head is shaking. I hit the button again in another vain attempt to turn it off. It simply switches into yet another higher gear. My whole body is now involuntarily dancing across the floor. I am beginning to wonder if we are having another earthquake in northeast Columbia.

The back part of the toothbrush (the side without the bristles) is now clanging against my teeth. It is like a flipper in a pinball machine that has lost its mind. In order to stop the clanging, I open my mouth wider. Drool and toothpaste begin to pour out of my mouth. So I take the toothbrush out of my mouth and it is spattering toothpaste all over the mirror and the rest of the bathroom.

I hit the button a fourth time and it finally shuts off… and I am waiting for a news crew to come in and report the damage.

So if you are out on a Saturday morning and see a parking lot with a bunch of orange cones set up with a bunch of guys looking like they are holding something, it is just a bunch of us learning how to drive our toothbrushes.

Jeff Becraft is the Director Emeritus for Youth Corps and has dedicated much of his life to helping shift the vision of people’s lives. Youth Corps is a life-changing leadership development experience that inspires high school students to be leaders in the Midlands and beyond. You can connect with Jeff at [email protected].