Bachelorette Party Ideas that Don’t Involve Penis Props and will only Cost a Minimal Amount of Your Dignity

By Jillian Owens

 

I love weddings more than just about anything.  The time spent with loved ones, the food, the booze, the dancing, and getting to see your dear friends make a beautiful commitment to each other (despite some rather daunting divorce statistics) makes even my cynical little heart turn to mush.  Granted, I’ve never been “weddinged” myself, but I have a deep respect for that whole marriage/lifelong commitment thing.

Of course, the wedding is never just about the ceremony.  Oh no.  There is long series of planning sessions, crafting get-togethers, showers, and dinners that all go into the pomp and circumstance of holy (or not) matrimony.  And let’s not forget the Bachelorette Party (hence the title of this article).

When you do a Google Image Search of “Bachelorette Party” you get images like this:

 

 

Okay.  As a thirty-something woman, these terrify me.  This looks like the opposite of fun.  A lot of my female friends – you know…the ones for whom “club” is no longer a verb – feel the same way.  I just can’t imagine any enlightened grown-ass woman giggling over a fake penis hat, and if I felt the need to pay a man to get nekkid for me, I’d probably start questioning my pending nuptials.  And by now I’m wise enough to know that an evening that begins with endless shots of fireball will most certainly end with someone puke-sobbing in a dingy bathroom with harsh flickering fluorescent lighting (Ugh!  Flashbacks!).

But what do you do when you want to get together and celebrate with your gal pal’s upcoming big day, but you’re all just a bit too classy for the Five Points bar scene?

 

Wine Trip!

If you haven’t explored Georgia or North Carolina Wine Country, you owe it to yourself to do so.  There are some truly gorgeous wineries, all within a close distance from each other.  Why not get the gals together and book a relaxing cabin weekend spent sipping wine and noshing on tasty cheeses?  Some of the wineries you encounter might be a bit sub-par, but others will surprise you with the quality of their wines, as well as the picturesque beauty of the countryside.

 

 

Mini Beer Tour!

Let’s say you aren’t that big a wine fan and you’re too busy frantically getting all those last-minute preparations in order to make an overnight trip.  Lucky for you, Columbia has three new (or at least new-ish) breweries for you to enjoy!  Conquest is our city’s oldest brewery, and features year-round selections for any palette, as well as seasonal and limited releases for the more adventurous sorts.  River Rat Breweryfeatures many tasty brews, my favorite being the Kolsch, a rare find in these parts.  They also have a gorgeous outdoor seating area with plenty of large tables for just about any size crew.  Our newest brewery, Swamp Cabbage (don’t let the dodgy name scare you),  also has an outdoor seating area and its owners are happy to give you and your friends a brewery tour where you can learn all about how the beverage you’re imbibing is crafted.

 

 

 

But…Back to the Wine!

Can you tell I’m biased?  Rather than deal with the plastic-cupped peasantry of some terrible club that plays nothing but dubstep and wherein you will be unwantedly fondled by at least one drunken fratty, why not do your own wine tasting (guzzling…whatever) at one of our awesome wine bars?  Cellar on Greene boasts an impressive wine selection, a delicious dinner menu, a knowledgeable staff, and a nice ambiance for a mellow evening.  While considerably smaller, Wine Down on Main is great option for a more intimate party, and rumor has it that you can request a custom tasting for your group.  Solstice and 116 are two other fine options.

 

 

Or Just Stay In!

There exists a theory that there are some folks who don’t require booze to celebrate.  While I don’t fully understand how these people exist in a world that is at times frightening and strange, I certainly don’t want to leave them out.  Of course, non-drinkers can totally party with drinking brethren if they want to, but there’s nothing wrong with just staying in!  Have a pajama party and watch your fave films!  Cook a delicious dinner with your besties!  Or just gorge on junk food while reminiscing past hijinks and shenanigans!

 

The point is to celebrate this fun occasion in whatever way you wish, and to enjoy this time with your friends who have been there for you throughout the course of your relationship with the fella that you’re about to spend the rest of your life with.

 

 

And Meghan, I am SO looking forward to a night of revelry with you and the girls this weekend.  We’re all completely ecstatic that in this aforementioned frightening and strange world you and Alex have somehow managed to:

A. Find each other.

B.  Not screw it up (That’s a big one).

C.  Have already begun to build a partnership rooted in love and respect that I have no doubt will last forever.

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

Jillian Owens is a writer, designer, and eco-fashion revolutionary. A Columbia SC transplant, she graduated from the University of South Carolina with a BFA in Theatre and English. When she’s not gallivanting about, she’s busy refashioning ugly thrift store duds into fashionable frocks at ReFashionista.net or helping the underserved through her work in Community Impact at United Way of the Midlands. She also reviews local theater productions for Jasper Magazine and Onstage Columbia, and is an occasional contributor for The Free Times. Any comments, questions, or crude remarks can be directed to [email protected].

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