Chomp!

By Ron Aiken
January 31, 2014

Let’s Make Guacamole!

To say I love guacamole is like saying I love chocolate. The relationship goes so far past anything love can describe (with regards to food) that a new vocabulary is required. I crave it. I daydream about it. I fantasize about scenarios in which the two of us get together.

And yet, strangely enough, I’ve never made it. I’ve relied – unfortunately – on others to do so, which is why I’m often dissatisfied with the results. Overpriced so obscenely in grocery stores it borders beef-jerkyish levels, it makes buying it a painful enterprise. Plus I’ve yet to find a brand, and I’ve tried them all, people, that makes the money worth it.

Anita’s Chunky Guacamole

I’m almost always satisfied with the guacamole I order at a Mexican restaurant, and recently I had THE BEST I’ve ever ordered at Eric’s San Jose in Elgin – called Anita’s Chunky Guacamole, it is a must-order at $4.75. Inspired by its sensationalism, I summoned all my strength, marshaled my financial resources and sent my fiance to the store while I goofed around online.

I DID work after that, however, once she brought back the necessary items. Here they are (I also decided to keep it simple):

You can make killer guacamole with just these items! (Not pictured: olive oil.)

What you’ll need: one lemon, one lime, one avocado, one tomato. You probably already have salt and pepper, which you’ll also want. That’s it!

First, cut your avocado in half, take out the pit and scoop out the meat. Here’s what mine looked like when I put it in the bowl to mix:

I realize this doesn’t look sexy. But do YOU, before YOU are done with your pre-prep??? Alright then!

From here, the traditional method used to mash up the avocado by the Aztecs is mortar and pestle. I used the American method – a fork. It took a little elbow grease, but I managed.

Next, take your tomato, slice it in half and de-seed it. Slice it up length-wise and then in half so you have nice little squares. Dice it, basically, though you don’t have to get all super-fancy about it. Drop those little guys into your bowl with the mashed-up avocado.

Now, slice your lemon and lime in half, then quarters. For mine I used the juice of half a lemon and lime (with one avocado), but if Chomp! is being honest, it was a bit too much, so for you I’d recommend just using a quarter of each and seeing how it tastes to you. Pour in a tablespoon of olive oil – I wouldn’t put in as much olive oil as I had lemon and lime juice together; you want the acidity to be a featured performer; the olive oil just acts to smooth things out and to bind together, so it should be well in the background. In the juice/olive oil act, the lemon and lime juice is Tina Fey, the olive oil is Amy Poehler. Make sense? Good!

Now, add salt and pepper to taste and mix it all up til it looks BEAUTIFUL! Like this!!!

Now this is GORGEOUS, right? And you were so critical when it was just the avocado sitting there in the bowl

That’s it! It took probably 10 minutes to make, eight of which were spent mashing the avocado. You could probably save time with a food processor, but I’m a guy, and guys like mashing things by hand. It also makes you savor it more when you eat it, which is a BIG plus. Enjoy! And hey, if you DO make it, send me your pictures and I’ll run it and give you credit! Email them to me at [email protected]! Go you!

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