Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry
November 29, 2013
November 29, 2013
Dear Debby and Jerry,
Have you ever read ‘Fifty Shades of Grey?’ I just finished the first book, and it was amazing for me, because it opened up doors to feelings that I did not know existed. Here is my dilemma — I am over 50, and have recently met someone on a popular Internet dating site. He is a church-going man who is a bit old-fashioned. I want to try some of this stuff, but don’t want to scare him away. How do I approach this without seeming too scary? What should I do?
Bonnie, Georgetown, SC
Dear Bonnie,
Among consenting adults there is a spectrum of sexual experimentation. I do not believe churchgoers are immune to having fun. You might try asking him what he would think if “we did this”. You might be surprised at his response. If he is too sexually repressed, you may have a problem going there, wherever there is. If so, you have to measure how important this is to the overall relationship and make your trade-offs. Good luck and have fun trying!
Jerry
Dear Bonnie,
There is nothing wrong with wanting to experiment with your significant other if both of you are on the same page. Approach the subject with him, but be careful to move slowly. Up to this point your relationship has been on the old-fashioned side, but you are consenting adults and have every right to express your preferences.
Debby
Dear Debby and Jerry,
When I was a young woman — living in California, I had an affair with a black man. We never married, but I had a child who I love very much. ‘Gina,’ my daughter is a wonderful young woman of mixed blood — and it is obvious that she is mixed race. This was never a problem for me until recently. You see, I live in the south now (my company transferred me to Greenville) and I have discovered that things are different here. Unfortunately, I have experienced racism because of my beautiful daughter. This not only makes me angry, but saddens me, as well. After meeting a very nice southern gentleman (I thought) on an online dating website, I was disappointed to find him shocked when he saw photos of my daughter. As you can imagine, we are not dating anymore. Is this rampant in the south? I will not hide the fact of my daughter’s existence, nor her racial background. I am proud of her and her accomplishments, which have nothing to do with her race. Is there hope to find someone through Internet dating in the south that is more open-minded? I am in my 60’s and wonder if I have to give up dating as long as I live here.
Lisa, Greenville, SC
Dear Lisa,
While the South is more conservative than other parts of the country, there is no excuse for your ex-boyfriend’s behavior. The world is a big place and there are plenty of decent guys out there who have broader views regarding race. I admire your honesty and loyalty. Your daughter sounds like a lovely person and you are right to be proud of her. Don’t let a few backward people prevent you from meeting a great guy. You might have to try a little harder but there are many kind and decent men on dating sites looking for someone like you.
Debby
Dear Lisa,
Narrow views about race, religion, and politics is not confined to the South. Certainly, you came from one of the more “liberal” states in the U.S., but this should not deter you from being proud of your family wherever you live. We have become a polyglot of people and those not accepting of any variation in ethnicity can miss out on meeting some of the finest people there are, whether on internet dating or under any circumstance. Push the delete button on this guy and keep looking for someone with a broader view of life……there should be some in Greenville.
Jerry
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