Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry

October 18, 2013

Dear Debby and Jerry,
 
I have been dating through one of the more popular on-line dating sites for about one year. I have had numerous dates for coffee and dinner. I am not sure if it is just my imagination or what, but many of the women are invariably late. This does not bother me if there is a valid reason such as traffic congestion, children or pet issues, etc., but it seems like tardiness for an important event should be treated as such. I have heard that people who are chronically late are usually self-centered or at the minimum, devalue everyone else’s time, but their own. I am concerned that being late for what should be a special meeting is a bad sign for a beginning and I should avoid second dates. What are your thoughts about this potential problem?

Reeves, Charleston, SC

Dear Reeves,

I agree that this is a problem. For whatever reason, some women seem to think that it is okay to be late. Let’s face it, being late is rude and thoughtless and you are right to be concerned. It’s like they feel entitled to be late and you are obligated to understand. If you decide to date someone a second time despite the lateness, I would mention that it is bothersome and you would appreciate it if they had enough respect for you to be on time. If they are offended or disregard your comments, I would stop dating them. Your time is valuable and I agree that chronic lateness is a sign of self-centeredness.

Debby

Dear Reeves,

Most men have spent a few idle moments waiting on women who are worth the wait. However, it does not excuse habitual lateness. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, we could extrapolate that Venus is traveling distance closer to the Earth than Mars, so what’s their problem? Seriously, better to talk this one out rather than spend many years generating ulcers while you wait.

Jerry

Dear Debby and Jerry,

Is it okay to expect the person who makes the most money to pay for most things when you are dating? I only ask, because in their online profile, my current partner clearly stated they like taking care of their significant other. Funny thing, now that we’ve been seeing each other for over a month, their interest in being as generous as stated has definitely waned. Did I do something to make them feel I was taking advantage of them, or have they simply lost interest? Or, god forbid, was it all just a ploy to get someone they otherwise felt they couldn’t? To clarify: This person knew my financial status from the very get go. I have never lied to them, asked them to pay any of my bills, or indicated I “expected” anything from them but to be generous as they saw fit. Do I sound petty? Obviously, I’m confused. Help.

Michele, Greenville, SC

Dear Michele,

I am not sure what you mean by “taking care of someone”. If within a month’s time, you expect him to pay your electrical bill or car expenses that may be over the top. If it means that a trip to Bali is offered, you may be on safer ground. Being destitute is no crime, but being independent has its merits, too. If your new boyfriend has begin to show reluctance in his generosity, there must be a reason and it could be linked to something more than financial reasons. Ask him!

Jerry

Dear Michele,

I understand where you are coming from. If your significant other told you that he enjoyed taking care of you, it would be confusing when he stopped being so generous. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and have a conversation with him. I wouldn’t assume that he said what he did “just to get someone he felt he otherwise couldn’t get”. Ask him what has happened to change his mind. Perhaps he doesn’t realize that he hasn’t been as generous. If he feels differently about the situation, you are the one who has a decision to make.

Debby 

 

Do you agree with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to:[email protected]

Share your questions or stories by sending an email to: [email protected]. Or mail your questions and comments to: Dear Debby and Jerry, 701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-197, Columbia, SC 29201. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column. 

---

Sign up here to receive MidlandsLife weekly email magazine.