Girls (SMH)
January 30, 2015
By Leigh Thomas
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B will tell you that I narrate my life (hellooo, I blog). For whatever reason (the storyteller in me, I guess), I walk around the house telling whomever might be in the room what I am doing and why. So it makes all the sense in the world that as I leave my daughter’s room I think to myself, “SMH.” Or, more often, “SMDH.” That’s “shaking my damn head” for those of you not acquainted with the Urban Dictionary.
I used to think “It’s a girl thing.” Then I thought “It’s a second child thing.” That became “Oh she’s three.” Now it’s either a four-year-old thing or it’s just a her thing, and I’m scared to death it’s the latter. Because four will turn into 14 and then I’ll make the leap from a few loose screws to institutionalized.
Every day I try to put myself in her shoes (today it would be sparkly pink Hello Kitty boots) and empathize with what it must be like to be a four-year-old girl with a control freak for a mother. Every day I confront the following emotional crises and find that my patience and sensitivity chips are broken.
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1. She woke up and her Beanie Boo was on the wrong side of the bed. I think it’s her, actually, who woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
2. The dress she picked out last night is the wrong shade of pink.
3. The Elsa panties are in the wash.
4. She realized she isn’t the real Elsa.
5. She got grapes with her breakfast. Yesterday she liked grapes, but today she doesn’t.
6. She asked me to slice her biscuit. Then she changed her mind. Too late.
7. I made her wear a jacket because it’s 40 degrees outside. The jacket covers up her dress.
8. Her jacket is purple, not pink. It should be banished to the back of the closet with the other Things We Do Not Speak Of because they aren’t pink.
9. Her ponytail holder isn’t pink. See #8.
10. Her ponytail is crooked.
11. She can’t find her Minnie Mouse headband. That’s because her hair accessory drawer looks like this. And this makes me twitch a little.
12. Her purse won’t close. That’s because it’s the four-year-old version of Hoarders,
also known as “Bag of Crap.”
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13. I won’t let her take her purse, a coloring book, crayons, five books and two stuffed animals into church. I grab Lambie and leave the rest in the car. She screams in the parking lot for all to hear, “But Lambie doesn’t even like church!”
14. Her big brother needs “alone time.” Seriously, can you blame him?
15. I won’t take her to the bathroom. (Note: We are home, the bathroom is 10 feet away, and she is perfectly capable of going by herself.)
16. She peed on the floor.
17. She’s in timeout because she didn’t go to the bathroom when fully capable of doing so. So she peed on the floor.
18. She doesn’t get dessert after dinner. That’s because she didn’t eat her dinner. She acts surprised when I tell her this.
19. She can’t find Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy. That would be because her bookshelf looks like this. See #11. Still twitching.
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I. Can’t. Handle. The. Drama.
Girls. They can morph from sweet princess to head spinning and smoke coming from their ears in five seconds flat. Is it because she’s four? Does she get it from the other side of the family? My mom says, “You never did that.” Gee, that’s helpful.
Despite the drama, my girl is funny, sweet, sharp as a tack, over the moon for her big brother and loves to have tea parties with her daddy. She digs roller coasters, loves to sing and dance, shops as if she was born for it and has a killer head of hair. But apparently it’s pretty tough being a four-year-old girl. I used to think it was tough being her mother, until I woke her up this morning. She opened her big brown doe eyes and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry I made such a mess of my bookshelf,” and then she kissed me on the nose. That girl. SMH.
Leigh Thomas is a Columbia-area wife, mom of two, runner and communications professional. Because that affords her so much spare time, she also pursues freelance writing and editing. Visit her blog at literalleigh.blogspot.com.
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