Hey Fellas! It’s a Toe Jam!

By Jillian Owens
March 14, 2014

Right now you’re probably terrified of the dubious title of this article. Don’t worry! It’s not what you think! I can explain!

As some of you know, I’m about to go on a (very very very much needed) cruise with a bunch of my nearest and dearest friends. Our terrible crash diets have been abandoned our excursions are booked, and our bags are packed!

But wait…when we looked down at our feet, we were terrified by what we saw. Endless months of a wet & dreary winter kept our peds trapped in boots and socks. They had grown calloused and ill-kempt. This would not do!

Some of you guys might think it doesn’t matter what your feet look like, as…well…you’re guys and why would you worry about such a thing? You, dear sirs, are mistaken. I, and most women judge you based on your feet (no…not entirely -we’re not all creepy foot fetishists – but you get my drift). If a man has gross callouses, corns, yellowed nails, and overgrown cuticles, it would be safe to wager that his apartment is disgusting and he probably has other hygiene issues that make him a less-than-desirable mate.

Seriously…just avoid him.

Fortunately, the fellas I’m friends with get this, and decided to organize a Toe Jam!

A Toe Jam is just a fun name for when a bunch of friends get together for pedicures en masse. I think we coined the phrase, but you can use it as well. It’s okay.

We all met up one day after work at Capital Nails & Spa, a curious place that appears to be much bigger on the inside (Whovians will get what I mean here).

Some of you guys might not quite know what to expect from a pedicure, or what’s involved. Simply put, it’s relaxsensational! You show up, and are invited to lounge in a comfy massaging chair as your feet soak in a warm bubbling bath.

Doesn’t this devastatingly attractive woman look happy?

Oh, and did I mention you can bring your own booze? Let me say that again (because I’m not confident I’m going to reach my required word count for this article). You can bring your own booze.

There is no need to be afraid!

After a bit of soak, a nice person will gently begin scrubbing a polishing all those rough spots away, trimming those icky cuticles (which doesn’t hurt…don’t worry), and covering your feet in a variety of good-smelling things that I’m sure do something. If you opt for the sea salt scrub and leg massage, your experience will be even better.

But don’t take my word for it! Ask these handsome manly men!

So, c’mon fellas! There are so few spa treatments you can really enjoy without having your masculinity threatened! Pedicures are the way to go. So please, do the women of Columbia (and yourself) a favor. Get those crusty claws taken care of!