Hi Guys. This is Why You’re Still Single

By Jillian Owens December 13, 2013

While perusing facebook one day, this pic came up with the caption, Columbia’s Dating Pool.

 

I refuse to caption this, as it would only negate the point I’m about to make. So there.

The likes poured in, and unlucky-in-love guys eagerly agreed that this city is a terrible place to be single, that all single members of the opposite sex were derelicts and psychos, and that they should all just move to another city where they’d TOTALLY find a life partner right away!

I can’t take it anymore!  I can no longer deal with hearing single dudes griping to me about how there’s no one in Columbia for them to date. That they’re tired of being single.  

I’m sure you’re all terrific guys.  And I get it…you want to meet someone special.  We all do.  While most of your friends will just say, Be yourself! and It’ll happen when you’re least expecting it!, I’m going to level with you.  I’m going to be brutally honest because I care and I want you to be happy.

These are the 5 reasons you’re still single.

1.    You don’t have your sh*t together.  

You’re constantly broke and in and out of work.  You live with 6 other dudes.  You have no goals or ambitions.  You just can’t quite seem to get it together.  Before you even THINK about dating, you need to have a plan (I totally get that times are tough.  You might be out of work for reasons that have nothing to do with anything you’ve done, and if this sounds like you, this advice isn’t meant for you).  If you want to find someone who’s awesome, charismatic, and attractive, you need to be at her level. You need to have some sort of ambition…a few goals even.  Sit back and think about your life.  Are you on a positive trajectory?  Even if you’re broke and miserable, are you taking steps to make your life better?  Or are you stagnating…just hoping things will get better on their own?

2.     You’re not meeting everyone.

When I say everyone, I don’t just mean single ladies.  How many new people do you have conversations with in a normal week?  If it’s less than 5, you’re not trying hard enough.  Don’t underestimate the strength of weak ties.  That random person could be bffs with the future love of your life whom you haven’t met yet, or they could just be a new friend.  You should be talking to every person you can, and not just to get a girl, but because it’s the nice thing to do.  Talk to your barista.  Talk to the bag boy at the grocery store.  Ask them how their day is going and genuinely listen to them.  Meet people everywhere you go.

I can already hear the throngs of fellas saying, But that’s not who I am!  That’s so fake!  Fine.  Keep being yourself.  That seems to be working really well, as evidenced by the fact that you’re still reading this article.   Do you really know yourself that well?  I don’t.  You learn and grow every day and become different from your actions and experiences.  Don’t you want to be a better happier you?  I do.  Is becoming a person who cares about the people around him enough to engage in a quick conversation every now and again really such a stretch?

3.     You’re a nice guy, but only to get something you want.

I can’t stand self-proclaimed nice guys.  Please strike the following phrase from your vocabulary:  I never have a girlfriend because I’m just too nice.  I don’t think so.  Nice isn’t the same a creepy or desperate.  While the object of your affections might thank you for helping her change her car battery, she doesn’t owe you anything for that.  And while I’m sincerely thankful you greeted me by saying, Hi. rather than beating me in the face with a frying pan, nice is the bare minimum of what I expect.

Here’s an example.  A good friend of mine was enjoying a drink at a bar when a nice gentleman sat down next to her and struck up what seemed to be a totally normal platonic conversation.  But when he looked down and saw her wedding ring, he shut down and said he didn’t want to waste his time talking to a married woman.  He was nice until he realized he wasn’t going to get what he wanted.  See?

Nice Guys complain about being in the friend zone, as if being friends with a woman is a major blow to their machismo.  A smart guy will be wise enough to value their friendships and realize that while this lady might not be interested in anything romantic, she probably has a few friends who have a lot in common with her that she could set him up with.  

A genuinely kind person is nice because it’s the right way to be, not out of fear of punishment or hope of reward.  We ladies can spot a Nice Guy fairly quickly.  And we’re not buying the charade.  

4.    You’re boring.

A while back I dated a guy who was genuinely kind and had it together.  But he wasn’t into anything, so we had nothing to talk about.  I see this a LOT.  Guys who have no hobbies or interests other than just…you know…hanging out.  You might be successful and sweet, but that’s not enough for the poor woman who’s stuck across the booth from you desperately trying to make conversation.  

5.    You’re bitter.

You know who you are.  All of your facebook statuses are you whining about being single and alone.  No one understands you.    You gripe to your friends about it all the time.  

Dude.  We all have baggage and most of us don’t want to be alone.  

But you can’t let it get you down.   

Why not use this down time to meet new people and cultivate new interests?  Learn Italian!  Travel!  Take a fencing class!  Just don’t sit around moping.  It’s not attractive.  Would you want to be with someone who would want to be with you?  Think on it.  

There you go.  That’s my list.  I hope it helps.  Or at least I hope it doesn’t make you hate me.   Now, go out there!  Live your best life!  Be your best self!  Listen to platitudes!

Cheers!

 

 

Jillian Owens is a writer, designer, and eco-fashion revolutionary. A Columbia SC transplant, she graduated from the University of South Carolina with a BFA in Theatre and English. When she’s not gallivanting about, she’s busy refashioning ugly thrift store duds into fashionable frocks at ReFashionista.net. Jillian has been featured on The Rachael Ray Show, Good Afternoon America, ABC Columbia, Jasper Magazine, Skirt, Columbia Metropolitan, The Free Times, Grist, and NYC’s Guest of a Guest. She also reviews local theater productions for Jasper Magazine and Onstage Columbia. 

 

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