My Mother by Any Other Name

 

 

By Amy Coward
May 9, 2014

 

My mother is beautiful. I know, you think “well of course you think so, she’s your mother.” But I really think so. I remember when I was growing up thinking how much younger she looked than other moms, how much prettier she was. I was always proud of her. And I still am.

My Dad thought she was pretty too. I can remember distinctly him reaching over to pat her hand at the dinner table and saying to me, “You’ve got a pretty mommy.” Sweet, right?

I don’t really know if my mom ever thought about how pretty she was. She was always self-conscious like most American women and seemed to see her flaws more than anything. One thing my mother has always hated about herself, though, is her name. Freddie Tommie was born on July 31, 1925 and given this  somewhat masculine, double-whammy name. She has always longed for something more feminine.

My mother was named for her father, Frederick Thomas, who died a few months before she was born. I suppose my grandmother wanted a namesake for this man she loved. Or perhaps she hoped her beautiful daughter would have the wonderful qualities that he had, that she would be warm and funny and smart. If the latter was her intent, she nailed it. My mother is all of those things. She has friends of more than 50 years, is a member of the Red Hat Society and is truly the Scrabble Champion of the family. Even well into her 80s, my mother is bowling, taking Caribbean cruises, and walking her dog, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Freddie Tommie is fun to be around.

Due to when my mother was born and raised, she did not get to follow her dreams of being a school teacher. Though she was Salutatorian of her class, she was not able to attend college. She married young, as most young women did at that time, and began a family. My mother was a good wife for more than 50 years and is now a widow (of two husbands). She raised 5 children (an accomplishment by any standards) and buried one child, an experience no mother should have. She made sure all five of us had wonderful experiences growing up – piano and dance lessons, scouts and sports. She sacrificed a lot so that we could have a beautiful life. And we did. She did all of this with class, too. She never went in public without her lipstick and would not have been caught outside with curlers in her hair!

In addition to teaching us all the typical skills in running a household, my mother taught all of us the “soft” lessons of life – to be responsible, to be loyal, to work hard. She never even asked us IF we wanted to go to college, she just expected us to and she expected us to accomplish something with our lives. That subtle expectation was a beautiful thing and highly effective, I might add.

I’ve thought many times over the years about my mother’s name and wished it had not bothered her so much. I wish that when she looked in the mirror, she saw what I saw –a great wife and mother, a good friend, an independent, smart woman who is admired and loved by many. If I could do one thing for her, I would take her to court and have her name changed for good. We could choose something delightfully feminine like Catherine, Eleanor or Ruth – maybe Olivia, Natalie or Ava. So many beautiful choices. Such a name change would probably make her really happy –not being Freddie Tommie anymore. But every time I look at her, I would still see the same great person with all the unique qualities she has, just like the unique name she was given. And she would be special to me either way.

 

 

Amy Coward is a public relations professional in Columbia, SC. When she is not managing the madness of event planning at Palmetto Health Foundation, she is turning her empty nest upside down looking for fun and finding it. 

 

 

 

Sign up here to start your free subscription to MidlandsLife!